
The Man
UPDATED
I am a fairly law abiding citizen. I haven't run a foul of the law that often. Whenever I did, it was normally a minor misunderstanding - usually by the law.
That said, this morning, I was running my weekly hill workout and I somehow got slapped by the long arm of the law, security guard law that is.
Since I have a job, I have to get up early and run. Today's workout was 10 miles of hills. It takes 1 hour 20 minutes to run 10 miles and about 45 minutes to warm up, cool down, and finish up with 10 minutes of squats. The bottom line is, I run from about 6:00 AM to 7:20 AM on a 7-minute loop that takes me through an auxiliary parking lot of St Tammany Hospital.
It is pitch dark at the beginning of the run and doesn't get light until about 7:00 AM. I wear a fluorescent green shirt, my shorts and shoes have reflective material on them. I wear a reflective vest and a bright LED headlamp. I want cars to see me and they do.
I am conscious of the fact, that runners can sneak up on people. They go from bee bopping across the parking lot to the panic of “Hey I’m getting mugged” in a milisecond. Since I know this, I cut a wide berth around anyone walking. I try to cough or scuff my shoe to make noise and thereby announce my presence.
I have been running this path well over a year with no incident. The shuttle bus driver for the hospital must see me at least 10 times when I am running my loops. I am no secret or new phenomenon.
Hills are not plentiful in Covington. I need hills within running distance from my house. This road and parking lot represent the best around. I would much rather run a longer route than go around this loop, but I need hills and these are the ones I have.
Sooooooo.
Today, just after daylight broke, I was running along just having exited the parking lot and a car with a flashing amber light on his dashboard pulled along side me and honked.
I hate to stop running in the middle of a workout, but I make exceptions for authority figures.
Here is the conversation:
Security Guard (SG): Getting your morning exercise?
Me: Yeah.
SG: I'm going to have to ask you not to run through that parking lot. You're making some nurses nervous. They don't know what you're doing.
Me: (Puzzled look because I can't see how me stopping to run through the parking lot would un-nervous some neurotic nurses.)
SG: OK.
Me: Yeah, OK (Said in my best sarcastic, kiss my ass voice.)
I was fuming. This little incident is another illustration of the PUSSification of America.
Get a grip nervous nurses, I am just trying to train for a marathon here. If you are that freaking fragile I would hate to be one of your patients. Cripes.
One moron complains and everyone has to quit playing.
Who knows what happened. The SG may just be a prick and made it up. Maybe someone really did complain, but the final result is I have been told to stay out and it is probably within their rights to do so.
I was going to write their administrator and try to resolve the matter like an adult, but instead I decided to let them shove their entire parking lot up their ass including the railroad ties and chain link fence that goes with it.
F'em if they can't take a joke.
Pussification of America number 2: Massachusetts elementary school bans tag because it is too dangerous. WTF! (Sorry mom, but I am torqued.)
Pussification of America number 3: I was watching the Today Show this morning. I don't know why I do, because it always gets my blood boiling.
Some psychologist was talking about how Americans aren't getting enough sleep and employers are starting to realize that well rested employees are more productive employees.
How do they get them well rested? They let them take freaking naps on the job. In the words of Fred Sanford, "I'm coming to join you Elizabeth."
Give me a break. Sleep at home morons. Don't expect your boss to give you milk and cookies and a nap mat. You did that crap in kindergarten.
How about this. Do your freaking job or I will get someone in here who can.
There I said it and I feel better.
Until the next time and taking deep breaths.
John Strain