Wednesday, August 2, 2006 at 7:23AM Thief of the present
Who am I?I see it everywhere; the affects of anxiety and worry. We feel it first as children, probably before our earliest memories.I think you know me.
I live inside your head and I talk to you often. To some of you my voice is prominent, while others only hear me at times of weakness and doubt.
I am a thief. I take your now, your present. Because of me you do not enjoy what is before you. I make you think of what might happen, what you need to do, and fill you with doubt.
You worry about what others think about you and if you are going to be in trouble. You are not sure of yourself and it is because of me.
Who am I? My name is anxiety, but my friends call me worry.
I can remember being worried sick in school. Believe it or not, I was not always on the right side of the law. I often worried the teacher would share my crimes with my parents. That feeling in the pit of my stomach; dread, fear, worry is the same thing I feel now when I let anxiety get the best of me.
I see it in my patients, coworkers, friends, and everywhere. We all deal with Mr. Anxiety at one time or another. If you see him more than you would like to, then maybe I can help you see him less often.
Dealing with anxiety is like carrying around extra weight, having extra thoughts, and just plain complicating any situation.
If you are trying to speak in front of other people, anxiety makes it difficult for you to focus on what you want to say. Instead, you think about what would happen if you were to make a mistake or what would happen if the people don't like you. "It would be awful," you think.
Maybe you are at work and things are beginning to pile up. "I'll never get out of here," "I am going to be late picking my child up at the day care," or "my boss is going to think I can't handle things," are things you might think in response to the pressure and make it harder for you to do the work.
Anxiety robs us of our "now" and makes us live in the future. We act based on what we think or fear might happen instead of dealing with what is in front of us.
We drive those around us crazy with our worry. Have you ever had anyone say to you, "Earth to -insert your name here-?" Are people telling you to relax and stop worrying? Do you always feel like you need to be doing something to prepare for a thing a few moments, days, or weeks in the future? Do you feel guilty if you ever sit down?
Here are some examples of how anxiety robs us of our present:
• You are on a vacation and you get out of the car at the Grand Canyon. After a moment of gazing at the breath taking vistas, you hurry everyone back into the car so you can keep on schedule.
• After opening the presents Christmas morning, the kids start wadding up the wrapping paper piled on the floor and begin throwing it at each other, while others are rolling in the piles of debris. You snuff out the spontaneous, but undisciplined fun with a statement like, "OK kids, clean this up because it is time to eat, hurry now."
You have been under stress so you decide to attend a movie. Just as the movie begins you wonder if you locked your car. You begin to fret and ponder going out to the parking lot to check. You don't want your car stolen, but you don't want to miss the movie. Instead you sit there and half pay attention to the show.
Anxiety robs us of the joy of the moment. We sacrifice all we have and chase the carrot on a stick. We think that if we take care of things now, we will have peace later, but it never works out that way.
OK, I think I have stated the problem, now here are a few ideas to put things right in your head.
Remember, it won't change over night. Worry is the result of poor choices, which grew into bad habits, which became familiar ruts. Getting out of those ruts ain't easy and even harder not to fall back into.
John's tips for taming the beast:
1. Marry money.
2. Win the lottery.
If numbers one or two don't work out, proceed to number three.
3. Use the past to predict the future:
Chances are you are at an age where you are not facing many new circumstances. The things you worry about now are the things you have worried about before.
What happened in those situations? Did you die? Were they awful? Did the sun come up the next day?
I am amazed how folks can continually be surprised at something they can predict with 99% certainty. Take family gatherings for instance, I would wager that you have a family member you have had an annoyance with for years. You know that when you two get together, you will argue the same old script. Then when it comes true, you get upset and gossip about it. The result is you get all stirred up, but feel justified because the other person is such a jerk.
A more elegant solution would be to expect the opportunity to fall into the argument rut with your favorite relative, but when the invitation is extended, do something different to stay out of it. Don't take the bait.
When you go into the setting expecting “it” to happen and it does, you will feel smart and in control. It is easier to "be above it all" and not to fall into the same old behaviors.
To generalize this advice, just take what you are worrying about and think about previous examples. Think about what you did or did not do to make it better or worse. How much control do you have over the circumstances anyway? Come up with a plan, do what you can, then wait for it to play out.
Eventually, you will be able to reduce your worry, because you will develop confidence and a feeling of control.
4. Practice being in the moment: To do this, you must be aware when you are not in the moment.
You can start practicing this by sitting on your porch or by taking a walk. During that time focus your attention on your senses. What do you see? What do you smell? What do you hear? Drink it in, and describe it to yourself. Doing this forces all of your other thoughts out of your head. You are immersing yourself in the moment.
Anytime you feel worry, you can do a similar exercise. It is like pushing the reset button of your brain. You break the worry cycle and give yourself the chance to do something about it.
5. Use humor: Anxiety and worry is another way of saying you are getting too serious. Humor balances things out. Use absurdity. What is the worst that can happen if you are late? Will you be tarred and feathered, thrown into jail, or publicly beaten? Probably not. I don't normally answer rhetorical questions, but folks with anxiety don't always recognize rhetorical questions.
Think about it. However old you are, 30, 40, 50, 60 you have been through a lot. Is the thing you are worrying about something you haven't handled before? Bring it on, you can take it even if it is what you fear. Have a little faith in your own abilities.
Maybe you are worrying about what someone thinks. Just imagine yourself mooning those individuals. In your mind, you can say to them, "What do you think about this?" It works for me.
I think like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I think about what old Bugs would do in my situation. It makes me laugh and makes me realize things aren't that bad.
6. If none of the above works, try a good stiff drink. Just kidding.
It all boils down to making choices. We choose to worry and we choose to let go of worry.
Oh, I have to run, I have so much to do and if I don't get it done, it will be the death of me, and the end of the world.
Until the next time
John Strain
