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Yesterday I read
Brenda's Blog entitled
The Art of Profanity. Needless to say, it cracked me up and it got me to thinking about the special place cursing has in my own life.
I grew up in a home where my dad would say "hell", "damn" and the occasional "son of a bitch" when he got angry or if he was talking to one of his buddies. I do not think I ever heard him use the "F" word. My grandfather and uncles on my mother's side of the family sprinkled these minor curse words more liberally throughout their language. I thought it was funny and loved to hear them talk. Though most of them have "gone on", today they can rest in the knowledge I carry on their tradition proudly.
I remember cursing as early as the third grade. One of the times I got in trouble at school that young was because some rat bastard tattle tale told the teacher I used the term "jack ass" instead of his name. Even then I was harassed by people with no tolerance.
Then there was the time I taught Doug from across the street how to cuss. I remember it vividly because I got spanked for it. Doug and I were walking to my backyard. While we were walking I said, "Hey, do you want to cuss?" "What's that?", he answered innocently. I should have said, "for crying out loud, don't you ever listen to your dad? Every other word is a cuss word." But, what I said was, "words like "hell" and "damn"." He gave it a try, "you mean - something like - get out of my yard you damn man." Complimenting my student I said, "yes, that's good." Then interrupting my lesson was the sound of my older brother's voice. He had been listening to the whole thing inside the house. "I'm telling Johnny." Then I heard him walking away. The footsteps were easy to hear on the wooden floor. Soon two sets of footsteps were heard returning. The other set belonging to my mother. "Johnny, you get in this house, you are getting a spanking. Doug you go on home and forget those words John told you," my mother said sternly. Her efforts were futile. I saw Doug a couple of years ago and he remembered the words I taught him and a few more.
I never slipped. I could be around my friends cursing up a storm, but around my parents, teachers, and other adults my language was clean. Most people can say the same. Where we get into trouble is when we are over heard.
My friend Russell is a pharmacist. Back in the 80's we both worked at a psychiatric hospital in New Orleans. He had this recurring pet peeve which seemed to happen every Friday. In those days, patients often went on weekend passes. The pharmacist would prepare the medication for the weekend - "pass meds." The nurses were notorious for not giving him the pass meds until late on Friday. Instead of getting the orders earlier giving him time to get them done in a leisurely way he often got them all at once. Families would be waiting, nurses would be calling, and Russell would be fuming. On one particular Friday Russell was hit with a pile of pass meds that had to be filled immediately and it was nearly 5:00 PM. Furious, he picked up the phone and dialed the extension of the offending unit to lodge a formal complaint. As he waited for unit staff to pick up the phone he railed about his plight to another employee. The problem though was this. Russell in his anger did not dial the offending unit. Instead he dialed the intercom and everything he said was heard throughout the hospital. "Every fuckin' Friday it's the same shit. I am so sick of those mother fuckers . . ." As he ranted he sensed an extraordinary quality to his voice. It seemed to carry and echo - then it dawned on him he was on the intercom. He hung up the phone going over excuses in his mind for his defense at the trial later. Then the phone rang. It was a call of support, "I could not agree with you more," the voice said. Lucky for Russell it was 5:00 PM on a Friday - all the big shots had left for the day.
Even people who curse have standards. For instance one of my friends who shall go nameless has an affinity to the word "cock." On numerous occasions we have been conversing and using every curse word in the book. If I use the word "cock" which I will eventually, he will stop and say, "I don't like that word." "Oh, I forget you have standards," I will say. After that I will use the word in 6 different forms in the next sentence. A good friend does that sort of thing for another friend.
I get credit for all of Barbara's curse words. If she ever curses, which is rare, she will blame it on me. "I never cursed until I met you," she will say. I have had a similar affect on others as well. I even got blamed for John using the "F" word as a 5 year old. Barbara, John, and I were in Biloxi, Mississippi one weekend with Barbara's parents. It was late afternoon. We had just come inside after being at the pool. Standing around the hotel room we were talking about where we were going to eat dinner. John being the energetic 5 year old was jumping on the bed and jabbering. As we talked we slowly realized he was chanting a bad word. "fuck, fuck, fuckin', fuckin' . . .", he jumped and chanted. "John, where did you hear that word?" Barbara said not hiding her shock. John went silent. He picked up on her tone of voice and decided to take the 5th. In the mean time I was looking for a 5th. Everyone seemed to look at me - like I would teach my 5 year old the "F" word. "I guess he picked it up from HBO," I said. After the shock wore off it was pretty funny.
Cursing can be over done. I suppose though it is a matter of taste. I would say the Def Comedy Jam and Rap Music over do cursing. Cursing is like seasoning in food. It is meant to enhance the dish not take it over. I believe cursing is much more effective if it is used sparingly.
Some situations call for a curse word. Once in a restaurant a waitress accidentally poured a whole pot of hot coffee on the back of the local minister. He stood up quickly, face turning red, and knuckles turning white as he gripped the back of the chair he said, "would some ungodly person please say some appropriate words."
Cursing can set people at ease sometimes. A little boy came to school and when the teacher asked him his name he said, "My name is Dammitt." The teacher thinking he meant "damnit" was understandably shocked. "That is not your name," she said. "Oh yes," said the boy, "my mom says Dammitt come here or Dammit stop that. My name is Dammitt." So the teacher called the boys mother and learned his name was indeed "Dammitt" it was an old family name. The teacher got used to it and after a while thought nothing of it. One day the principal visited the first grade class at the school. The teacher was showing off the children's spelling proficiency. One little girl stood up and said I will spell rose, R-O-S-E. "Very good," said the teacher. The next little girl stood up and said I will spell tulip, T-U-L-I-P. "That's great," the teacher said. Then little Dammitt stood up and said I want to spell chrysanthemum. The teacher said, "now Dammitt, you can't spell chrysanthemum." To which the principal replied, "oh hell, let him try."
Sometimes when I am interviewing people at the hospital their curse word usage is so funny I have a hard time keeping a straight face. It is funny to me and that lets off pressure. When I curse I am depressurizing and that is a good thing. I have heard it said that cursing is evidence of a lack of vocabulary. I think whoever said that is a jealous prick. Just kidding. Cursing has its place. If I hit my finger with a hammer I do not say "oh fudge or fiddle sticks." I use the "F" word and my finger feels better.
I once went to the horse races in New Orleans. When the announcer giving the call announced the winning horse, one could hear the word "shit" said simultaneously by everyone who did not win. In Mississippi the word "shit" has several syllables and several meanings. One might say, "you better get home or your wife will be mad." The proper response is, "sheeeiiiiit." Which means, "I am not worried about that because I am a man." Another use is in response to a question, "are you going to the deer camp this weekend?" The answer is "sheeeeiiiit." Which means, "yes."
Visit my
Sound Bites Page for a couple of George Carlin skits. One is entitled "Usage of the "F" Word" and the other one is "Seven Dirty Words." funny stuff.
I better end this or it will be too damn long.
Until the next time
John Strain
Monday, October 20, 2003 at 12:09AM 
