Wednesday
May052004
Wednesday, May 5, 2004 at 12:00AM
The Battle of the Sexes
Have you expended energy trying to understand the opposite sex? Do you think the opposite sex is crazy, too emotional, too logical, crude, hysterical, and a few other things? Do you believe you will one day understand the opposite sex? Have you given up? Since time began, men and women have scratched their collective heads in an attempt to make sense of each other. How much of men's behavior is cultural? Do hormones control the behavior and thinking of women? If anyone tells you they know the answer, they are probably full of BS.
One of my coworkers told me about a PBS program she heard recently, titled "Testosterone." It was on This American Life, which is a program hosted by Ira Glass. The show examined how testosterone influences behavior and thinking in men and women. On the surface, this may not sound very interesting, but I recommend you take an hour and listen to the program. The link is at the end of this post.
The show was made up of several interviews. The first conversation was of a man who, due to a medical condition, had been almost without testosterone for a four month period. He talked about how his personality, his interests, virtually everything that was "him" vanished. He had no interest or passion.
The next interview was of a woman-to-man transsexual. This person, who had been a feminist and a self professed dike with all the trimmings described attitude and thought changes after testosterone which even he could not believe. What was unique about him is he was once a she. He went from looking at a woman, for instance and thinking, "she is attractive, I would like to meet her, I wonder what book she is reading, I bet she is an interesting person . . ." to "I want to have sex with her." He said he become interested in science and even understood it better.
I was captivated by the program. It is certainly part of my field, but I think interesting for most people. It made me think. Whatever role testosterone, culture, or anything else has in the development of sex roles is not as important as it is to understand:
Number One: Men and Women are different
Number Two: The two compliment each other
Number Three: Efforts should be made to understand and celebrate the differences in the sexes
I remember in the early 70's when "women's lib" was just getting started. Men were told they were jerks and slobs. The woman was held up as the ideal. Television sitcoms usually had the man as the idiot and the woman as the wise one. Do you remember "Maude" and "All In The Family?" Many men attempted to become what women told them they should become. It did not help. Women did not like that kind of man for a mate or a boyfriend. Deep down, they wanted John Wayne. (Give me some latitude here ladies, this is my experience and I know I am speaking in vast generalities. I know there are plenty of exceptions.) This trend continued. Men became more and more what women "said" they wanted men to be like. The result was men becoming big pussies. Do you remember the television show "Thirty-Something?" I still heave when I remember how the men on that show acted. They were more women than men.
A man can retain his manhood without being a clod or an oaf. A man can be sensitive and caring without being a pussy. I think what happened was men bought into the conventional wisdom that we were somehow flawed and should not be ourselves. Hopefully, that is a thing of the past.
At the same time, women were being told, in so many words, that staying home and raising a family was not as good as having a career. Many wound up doing both and the supermom was born. Women were being driven into the ground and into the therapist's office. They felt guilt no matter what they did. I believe things have snapped back some. Women can do either or both, it is up to them and what is best for their family.
Both of these phenomenons are results of not accepting the fact that men and women are different and different is OK. Some things men are just better at while women are better at others. What things are what? That depends on the couple.
So, listen to the program. I really enjoyed it and it was informative.
Now for some silly stuff about the Battle of the Sexes.
A Man's Guide to What a Woman is Really Saying:
• Yes = No.
• No = Yes.
• I'm sorry = you'll be sorry.
• We need = I want.
• Do whatever you want to = You'll pay for this later.
• We need to talk = I need to complain.
• Sure - go ahead = I don't want you to.
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you MORON!.
• You're so manly = you need to shave and you sweat a lot.
• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about ?
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
• I want new curtains = and carpets, and furniture, and wallpaper ...
• Do you Love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
• How much do you love me = I did something today you're really not going to like.
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
• The answer to the question " What's wrong?"
The same old thing = Nothing. Nothing = Everything.
Everything = My hormones are acting up.
• CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? = There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again.
• I JUST NEED SOME SPACE = Without you in it....
• DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? = We haven't had a fight in a while.
• NO, PIZZA'S FINE = You cheap slob!
• I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW = I just don't want you as a boyfriend now
• I DON'T KNOW; WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? = I can't believe you have nothing planned.
• COME HERE = Hee hee....my puppy does that too....
• I LIKE YOU, BUT... = I don't like you.
• YOU NEVER LISTEN = You never listen.
• WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY = I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.
• I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE = I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.
• OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF = I'm just being nice; there is no way I'm going Dutch.
• I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS = We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends
A Woman's Guide to What a Man is Really Saying:
• I'M HUNGRY = I'm hungry.
• I'M SLEEPY = I'm sleepy.
• I'M TIRED = I'm tired.
• I'VE GOT TO PEE = Get out of the way.
• I'VE GOT TO GO = Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
• CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
• DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
• CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
• CAN I GET YOUR COAT? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
• LET ME GET YOUR DOOR = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
• MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
• YOU LOOK TENSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A MASSAGE = I want to fondle you.
• WHAT'S WRONG? = I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
• WHAT'S WRONG? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
• WHAT'S WRONG? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
• I'M BORED = Do you want to have sex?
• I LOVE YOU = Let's have sex now!
• I LOVE YOU TOO = OK, I said it. We'd better have sex now!
• GOOD MORNING = That was great sex. Let's have more!
• SEE YOU LATER = That was great sex. Let's do it again sometime!
• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = I liked it better before.
• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = For $50 they should have GIVEN you hair!
• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = You cut your hair?
• LET'S TALK = I'm trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
• WILL YOU MARRY ME? = I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.
• WILL YOU MARRY ME? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
• WHILE SHOPPING:
• YES, THAT ONE'S NICE = Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway?
• THAT ONE LOOKS GREAT ON YOU = Pick any freaking' dress and let's go home!
• I LIKE THAT ONE BETTER = Pick any freaking' dress and let's go home!
• UH HUH = Pick any freaking' dress and let's go home!
• ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
• I DON'T THINK THAT BLOUSE AND THAT SKIRT GO WELL TOGETHER = I'm gay!
• IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT = I am incredibly stupid!
This American Life Website
Listen to the program on Real Player
More Battle of the Sexes Humor
Until the next time
John Strain