Mini Vacation

I will be in Florida for the next three days. Someone has to lay on the beach and drink beer while everyone else toils away. We go to a condo just over the Florida line from Alabama. Go to Gulf Shores and turn left. Hobo will have to do time in dog jail (the vet) and the lawn won't get mowed, but I am going anyway, muahahaha. I will try to post a few photos on Sunday evening when I return.



You know what they say? Life's a beach. At least it will be for the next three days.



Until the next time

John "beach comber" Strain

A Rare Rant

I know, I know, I am supposed to be an optimist. Cheeky Squirrel often points out that I am an idealist - and a lot of me is. Today, however, I am fed up. I am pissed and I am going to let it out here.



I am sick of getting gouged by corporate America. One thing is promised and another thing is delivered. A price is quoted but the final cost is much more. Advertisers apparently never saw Pinocchio. Business today is legalized extortion. Calling customer service victimizes the customer further by robbing them of their time while nothing gets resolved. I am frustrated, chapped, pissed, mad as hell, and aggravated beyond words. Oh yeah, if you express your frustration "inappropriately," the customer service twit puts your name on some kind of "asshole list" which gives them even greater latitude when they feel like abusing you.



Why am I chapped?



Reason Number One: Service Contracts

I do not usually buy service contracts, but I did when we bought my son's preowned truck, a 2000 Nissan Frontier. I paid $600 for a 6 year 75,000 mile warranty. It is supposed to cover everything except things like the battery, tires, belts, hoses, and anything that goes wrong. When they are selling the policy, they make it sound like it is the mother of all insurance policies. When you go to the service department, they explain the fine print. The fine print basically says, "we ain't paying for a f$%#ing thing that goes wrong with this truck."



Anyway, John's AC went out. I took it to our mechanic who charged it with refrigerant. Naturally, in a day or two the AC was not working again. No problem, we have the service contract. I was smart for getting that baby. Long story short, the repair is not covered, because the problem is an AC hose ($90) and total cost of $280. To ad insult to injury they have to order the part after we prepay. I do not know why service people don't just say something like this, "How do you do Mr. Strain. We are ready for you now, so if you would drop your pants, bend over and grab your ankles, we can get on with it."



Reason Number Two: Cell Phone Charges

I have a couple of college degrees, but have a hard time understanding cell phone charges and roaming rules. I suppose the phone company fine print reads like this, "We reserve the right to charge you indiscriminately for anything we like. You have no recourse, but to call customer service, who will see to it you are transferred, cut off and placed on hold. We will be polite but incompetent. We also reserve the right to tell you the wrong thing and later deny it and blame it on you."



If your plan is supposed to cost $40 per month, get ready for $60. Do you want to get pissed? Just read the line items on a phone bill. If pants were sold like cell phones it might go something like this: A sign reads - "Pants $20." You pick up 2 pair and head for the checkout where you are charged $80.00. You complain, "What the hell, shouldn't it be $40.00?" The clerk explains, "Sir,the pants are $20 a pair, however, you selected some additional features, such as, belt loops, zipper, pockets, and two legs." You protest, "zipper?" The fake happy clerk explains, "Most states have decency laws about weenies hanging out of pants. We at Acme Pants installed the zipper as a device to protect you from violating such laws, blah, blah, blah."



"OK, screw the cell phone company," you say, "I will take my business elsewhere." Not so fast, Buddy, you have a contract. They own you.



Reason Number Three: Satellite and Cable TV

Very similar to cell phone companies, cable TV is about quoting a base price and tacking on another 30% for extra bullshit charges.



Oh phooey, what's the point? The only way around these rip offs is to break your own need for the products and services these creeps pedal. So I bring this crap on myself, because I have to have it.



Damn, I went and changed my rant into an examination of self-responsibility. I guess if I want to dance to the music, I must pay the fiddler. That said, F'em anyway.



Rant over,

John Strain

Bestiality

Do I have your attention? I will get around to explaining the title in a minute. As most of you know, I work in a psychiatric hospital. My daily experiences are often quite bizarre, but sometimes poignant, sad, hilarious, and interesting. The people with whom I work are effected by mental illness. Their malady is usually quite visible and most people shun them. If you look beyond their problem or just accept it, you find they are just people. I laugh with them about their problem. I laugh at myself when I goof or do something crazy, why should they get special consideration? The truth is, it makes them feel less like a mental patient and more like a regular person.



My job requires multi tasking. I may be trying to work on a discharge, but have to shift gears and handle an intake call. I may be talking to one patient and another one intrudes or does something i cannot ignore. I am constantly shifting gears and changing tasks. The trick is to get things done and not just scurry around doing parts of things. This is where the humor often comes in.



Today, for instance, I was dealing with one of our frequent flyers. This individual was wanting to be discharged and trying to work out a plan. After a lot of discussion, it became apparent to this person that his plan was not going to fly. I was blamed for keeping him in the hospital for reasons of money and I think the Aids epidemic and global warming. The guy went off and I broke off talks. A social worker has an abuse limit after all. I went to my office and began working on something else, when this pt. comes to the door way and states, "do you want to fight?" I was on the phone, so I covered the receiver with one hand and told him, "just a minute, I'm on the phone." He turned and walked away. A few minutes later, one of the psychiatric techs informed me that the angry individual had gone into the classroom and wrote something about me on the chalkboard. "What did he write?" I asked. "Something about you liking big gorilla dicks," she replied. In fact, I was accused of liking gorilla penis and even performing fellatio on said gorillas. My response to the tech was, "damn, I didn't think there was enough light at the zoo for me to be identified. You get friendly with one gorilla and you are looked down on for life. I guess he showed me. He later apologized and erased the board. This was the bestiality reference to which the title promises.



At about 5 minutes to 6:00 PM I got a call - there was a walk-in up in the lobby. I am sure you can relate to this. it has been a long day and you are almost out the door, then a big hand grabs you and says, "you have one more hour of work." Rats. So I go to the lobby and it is a guy who is mentally retarded. I had talked with this man before. He actually functions quite well. He stopped in for some advice about his girlfriend. I won't go into the particulars, but my heart went out to him. He was upset and confused. I let him take his time and say everything on his mind. This man has to struggle to do the things most of us take for granted. Major stressors have more of an impact on him and tonight was one of those nights. I went from being pissed about having to talk to someone, to wanting to help someone who was hurting. It happens every time, just sitting across the table from someone sharing their problems brings out the desire to help from inside me.



Walking back through the lobby, the security guard comes in the door with a young man. The guard says to me, "watch him while I make a call." Huh??? You would have to know our security guard. This guy is a charicature. Once the FBI was at our hospital and the security guard was near orgasm. He was kissing ass like there was no tomorrow. Once free from the ass kissing assault, the FBI guy said he knew our guard, because he submitted about two-zillion job applications. So anyway, the guard calls the unit to verify the kid was who he said he was - the child of a visitor just waiting in the car. The guard thought he nabbed a clever car thief. This guy makes Barney Fife look like Jack Webb.



I can be laughing one moment and touched the next. Most of the time I am laughing. My coworkers and the patients we serve are a lot of fun.



Until the next time

John Strain

Stressed

I could not think of anything to write last night, I was tired and just went to bed. This morning I still had nothing to write. I can't let a little thing like that keep me away from a post. Now I have about 30 minutes to peck something out and decided to write about stress.



Definition of stress: Your horn sticks and you happen to be following a gang of Hell's Angels.



But seriously folks. Here is what I tell people about stress:



• Stress is any challenge to our system and can be physical or emotional. A lack of sleep, an upcoming speech, meeting the parents, and having the stomach flu are all stressors which often result in stress.



• A stressor is the thing we react to whichproduces stress. Stress comes from within. It is a product of our thoughts and experiences. We all react differently to stressors. Jumping out of an airplane might invigorate one person while terrifying another.



• Stress is not a bad thing. The amount of stress determines its value. Some stress keeps us on our toes and helps us perform our best. Too little stress and we are bored. Too much stress is the recipe for burnout.



• The Three A's: This is important. Whenever we are faced with a stressful event, we can respond in one of three ways. We can either Alter the situation, Avoid the stressor altogether, and/or Accept the circumstances.



The art comes in knowing what to do when. Those of you familiar with the Serenity Prayer will recognize the similar advice:



God grant me the serenity

To ACCEPT the things I cannot change

The courage to CHANGE (alter) the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference





The first thing to do is try and ALTER the situation. Let's say you are trying to read a book and the television is on too loud for you to concentrate. You simply grab the remote and turn it down. You just altered the situation and the stress welling up inside you subsides. Now if the noise is coming from the apartment above you, altering the situation may involve banging on your ceiling or calling your neighbor. Altering situations is where your creativity can help. There are, as they say, many ways to skin a cat.



If you cannot alter the setting, perhaps you can AVOID it. Avoidance is not always bad. For instance, if you have relatives visit one weekend out of the year and they leave their towels on the bathroom floor going against your strictest rule, it might be easier in the long run to "blow it off." Why risk a family feud over something that will not exist in two days? The stress here would be confronting your family. If you tell yourself you are going to let the towel on the floor go to avoid the conflict, you are making the decision and are no longer a victim.



Sometimes at a fast food restaurant I order one thing and get another. I would be within my rights to go to the counter and get the right order. However, I often just eat what they give me to avoid the line and waiting. I made the choice to eat the Big Mac instead of the Quarter Pounder. Now, IF, I am going to be pissed off about it, I did not avoid anything. The important thing about avoiding stress is you really avoid it and not sweep it under the carpet.



Some things cannot be avoided. A coworker problem better be addressed because it repeats itself and occupies a large part of your day.



The last approach is Acceptance. If you cannot Alter or Avoid the situation you must ACCEPT it. That does not mean you have to like it. In the case of death or debilitating injury, one must eventually accept the circumstances. The grief process is about acceptance. One finds a way to live on even though circumstances have taken a turn from their idea of how life was "supposed" to be.



I once saw a news story talking about people who lived to be 100. A characteristic they all shared was an ability to accept tragedy and continue to find meaning in life. We all get a turn to experience tragedy and grief. If you are not experiencing it now, be grateful. When it happens, know it is part of life.



That's it. My sermonette about stress. You have the ability to control your level of stress. The 3 A's are a good start.



Until the next time

John Strain

July 5th

We in the United States celebrated our 228th Independence Day yesterday. July 4, 1776, our Declaration of Independence was adopted and the signing began - finally completed in August. On July 5 copies were made and the first newspaper printed the document on July 6. Public readings occurred on July 8 to enthusiastic crowds. It was not until April 19, 1777 in Concord, that the "shot heard round the world was fired." What began as thoughts and ideas, became an agreement and a document, and eventually a war.



Plenty of things led up to these events in 1776, but I started thinking about my own life. How many times have I had an idea born of struggle or desire for something better? Then the idea became more tangible and was manifested in some sort of commitment or action which began a long struggle. We could probably all think of events in our lives this way.



Drafting the Declaration of Independence was an intellectual exercise. Like writing a letter to a company or discussing politics with a friend, you can say just what you think. But when that document is released, there will be consequences. The founding fathers set in motion a conflict which resulted in war. Their words and ideas were tested with the currency of their lives. They were committed to the cause and so were so many that the independence stood and America remained free.



When you attempt something in your life, success comes best when the intellectual work is done. Drafting a well thought out plan is essential. Publish your intentions and back them up with an unwavering commitment. July 4th is the easy part. Difficulties will lie ahead. At some point, you will have to sacrifice something to keep your dream alive. You will face, as the minutemen did, a Concord in April. You will have to fight, maybe not literally, but more likely you will have to struggle against your own apathy and doubt.



Life is full of July 4's with their enthusiasm, July 5's with their work beginning, and April 19's where we face pivotal battles of will and resolve. Some we will win and others we will lose. More often, the fight is turned by what lies within us than the circumstances outside us.



May your personal battles be won and may your dreams come true.



Until the next time

John Strain