A Letter from Sam

Occasionally, patients write notes to their therapist. I save them for teaching purposes with supervisees. The following letter is from Sam a young man with schizophrenia. The letter will give you a glimpse into his mind. This letter represents a few thoughts and a moment in time. Thoughts like these are a constant in Sam's mind.

John,
I was about to reach out to the Devil himself, but I see I was mistaken. I'm not quite sure whats going on in my life but I'm sure it's interesting. I don't know how to say this other than to just say it. Do you know anything about area 51 and will you take me. You have to understand stand that I will get very emotional - dramatic if you tell me yes. So you better be precautious for my fear also.

Or if not can we be friends when I get out of here you seem like a very intelligent man which is close to my heart. I am very scared and confused. So please don't mind the maliciousness or the getting straight to the point. I've never trusted anyone in my life. But I would like to.

Please help.
Sam

Sam has had his ups and downs. It has been a while since I have seen him, but the last word I had was he is doing fine.

Until the next time
John Strain

Runner's High

I am often asked about runner's high. Usually when I am telling someone about my running they will say something like: "I guess you like that runner's high," or "Do you experience the runner's high?"

The implication is that when I run, I feel this orgasmic, wonderful feeling and that is why I run so many miles. I guarantee you, if running was orgasmic, I would run a lot more than I do now AND there would be a lot more people running too. The concept of runner's high is debated in the scientific circles. Here is my take on it from nearly 30 years of running.

First of all, there is no clear, cause and effect wonderful feeling from running that I experience. Sometimes when I run, it is painful and miserable. Other times when I run, it is just uncomfortable. Rarely, when I run, I feel wonderful, fast, strong, powerful, and euphoric. This is probably the closest thing I feel to the runner's high, most people imagine.

There is more to it than that though. I think sex and running have some parallels. They each involve the physical, emotional, and spiritual facets of our life. I think a lot of non-runners view runner's high in the way a sexually inactive adolescent views sex. The focus is on the physical feeling. Adults try to tell teens sex is much more than a physical feeling and that is why it makes sense to wait until other conditions are right before they have sex. To do so enhances the overall experience of sex.

Hollywood often glorifies the physical aspect of sex and leaves out the emotional and spiritual factors. I wonder how many people are let down after their "first time" when sex is just physical. In the same way, running as a physical act does not pack a lot of gratification. In fact, it often hurts.

Those who have made running a part of their life have done so not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Yesterday, on my way to work, I told Barbara, "I love how I feel now." I had just run 11 miles over hills. I got up at 4:30 am to be able to get the workout in before work. I had to hurry to feed the birds and squirrels, walk and play with the dog, and water the plants. I was drenched with sweat and had exerted myself, but had since showered and eaten breakfast. On the way to work, I felt happy to have all of that behind me. My muscles were a little tired, but what I call good tired. I had run the hills well, so I know I am on my way to the level I need to be at for the Tupelo Marathon September 4. I will run nearly 70 miles this week. It is almost time to taper. The goal is in sight and I am right on schedule. I feel grateful I am not injured. I feel thankful to get out and experience nature. All of these feelings converge into what I call a runner's high.

Running helps me with other aspects of my life. Running teaches that goals are attainable, but you must do the work. If you do the work and attain the goal, then you are rewarded with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Then you feel grateful to God for having the ability including the strength of body, the strength of mind, and the strength of the heart to get the job done.

It is nearly 5:00 AM. I need to get the coffee going so I can get to today's run. Another runner's high awaits.

Until the next time
John Strain

Mess

This place is a friggin' mess and I have to take credit for it. I hate clutter, but not enough to keep it from happening. When things get like this, it just feels bad. I can't seem to find the time to fix it either. I am going to have to do something before this disease spreads.

Right now, though, it is 10:18 PM and I am sleepy. I have to get up and run 12 miles in the AM, then work. Maybe tomorrow evening I will tackle the clutter, no maybe this weekend.

What's that you say? Me, procrastinate? Preposterous.

Until the next time
John Strain

An Open Letter to the NCAA

Dear NCAA;
In light of your recent decision to ban schools who have American Indian mascots from post-season play, I would like you to consider something that offends me.

I am glad you have everything squared away in college sports so your board can worry about things like what a school calls itself when it fields a team to play games like baseball, football, and basketball. These things are important and God knows we would not want anyone offended because a school calls their team something offensive, hostile, and abusive like "Seminole," even if the real Seminoles are proud to be associated with the school. I suppose history is hostile and abusive so we should do away with it. Good idea there, folks.

I thought you all would be trying to make sure athletes were getting degrees instead of coasting through their academics until their eligibility was up. Steroids, drugs, and crime have also been concerns at your schools. I have even heard about corruption with alumni interfering in athletic programs. I guess all that TV money can make good people do bad things. I guess after the other important items at your meetings are discussed, like where you plan to go to lunch, team names are the next most important topic. What would we do without your dedication?

Anyway, on to my request, I am an animal lover and I find it offensive that some of your teams exploit and deride animals by depicting them as aggressive, bloodthirsty, angry, and sometimes silly. I mean Bears are nice animals, and so are Tigers, Eagles, and Ducks. The list is endless, even Gophers are singled out. I have a dog myself and do not appreciate Georgia making bulldogs look like thugs. I demand you sanction schools using animal mascots as well as the American Indian naming schools, because I am offended too and I think I speak for everyone in the world.

While I am at it, my father's side of the family is Scotch-Irish and Notre Dame offends me with their "Fighting Irish" mascot. We do not all fight you know, but I am getting angry enough to punch someone in the nose if I don't get my way.

I am going to study this further. There may be more schools out there that offend me, but I am not aware of them yet. I want them to change their mascots too.

Thank you for your consideration. Keep up the good work. I hope it isn't true about a backlash to your decision. It would be too bad if your attempt to rid the NCAA of Indians only caused every student attending games to wear headdresses and loin cloths.

You are brave, pardon the American Indian reference to take such a stand on such an important matter. I hope you consider my equally important request to restore the animal kingdom to the dignity it deserves.

Sincerely,
John Strain

Memory Bursts

Thursday evening I was at the gym doing my routine. Music plays through the speakers in the ceiling and it is usually at a level that blends into the background noise. Gym noise: lots of clanking, people at the desk greeting patrons coming in the door and saying good bye, see ya later to those leaving, big muscle heads grunting and puffing air with force through tight lips, little conversations between groups of 2 and 3 people, laughter, the water fountain clanking, spewing water, and satisfied customers saying ahhhh after a drink.

As I workout, I often go into my own little world. I mostly think about what I am doing, how many sets I have to do, and figure out ways to tell myself it isn't so bad. Then I was aware of Grand Funk Railroad's "Closer to Home" as its strains wafted down from the speakers in the sky. I would post the song, but it is 10 minute long. Anyway, in the span of a millisecond, I was whisked back to Trailridge Junior High School in Shawnee, Kansas sitting in study hall. It was about 1970, I was 13, and they permitted the radio to be played during study hall and gum to be chewed. Both conditions were radical in those days.

We sat side by side, but not across from each other at white tables set up in long rows. The music wafted down there too and that song was popular at the time and one of my favorites.

It all made me smile. I just took a little mind trip and marveled at the vividness of the memory. Then I came back.

Music and sound does that for me like no other sense. How about you? What songs bring back powerful memories for you?

We made it to the weekend, here's hoping yours is a nice one.

Until the next time
John Strain