Beer

I know, it's Monday morning and you are bummed. The weekend is a memory and ahead of you awaits 5 days of work. First of all, say a prayer of thanks that you have a job. Now let's talk about beer for a few minutes. Beer is something dear to my heart and pallet. I know some people are alcoholics. I know some people drink and drive. I know adolescents abuse alcohol. However, that does not mean we should reenact prohibition. That would be like swearing off of chocolate cake because some folks have diabetes. I will say it right now, I like beer. There I said it and I feel better. I am a Baptist and beer drinking is frowned upon. Guilty, your honor. Luckily I live in Louisiana and I think there is some sort of special dispensation for beer drinking. Many of my friends are Catholic. They can drink beer all they want. They go to Hell for all sorts of things, but not for drinking beer. We have compared notes and came to the conclusion that if God is really nit picky and serious we do not have a chance. If, however, He has a sense of humor and is more interested in the general direction of our lives we have a case for going to heaven. (in case you cannot tell, this is a tongue in cheek theological discussion, not intended to instruct or offend.)



Speaking of "case" let me talk about my favorite beer. Turbo Dog is made by the Abita Brewing Company. I have gained a fondness for the full bodied beers. Ales, the thick stuff is what I go for. Light beers taste like water to me now. I keep them around for other people, but I like the ales. I noticed Chris likes the ales too.



I started drinking beer when I was 15. A lot of alcoholics have a similar opening line. As a parent, I did not want my son to follow in my footsteps where it came to drinking. I drank beer at home and John finally noticed dad was drinking something different. "What's that daddy," he asked once pointing at my bottle of Bud Light. I told him it was beer and he went on about his business. Eventually, his curiosity grew and he asked to taste my beer. He was 7 or 8 and this particular day I was drinking a Turbo Dog. "Do you want to try a sip?" I asked. "I guess so," he said taking the bottle from me. He put it to his lips and took in a small sip and his face immediately contorted into what one would expect to see if they had just OD'd on Sweettarts. "Yuck, how do you drink that," he said spitting and gagging. "Don't you like it," I said laughing and reaching for the bottle. He never asked to sample my beer again. To this day, he wants nothing to do with it.



I have had some good beers. When traveling I enjoy sampling the local brews. Kansas City has a pale ale called Boulevard I like to drink when I am up there. I like the imported beers. There are not too many beers I do not like. One local watering hole The Columbia Street Tap Room is a great place to enjoy a cold brew. My favorite selection there is a "black and tan". A black and tan is half Guinness and half Shiner Bock. The beers do not mix, but create a gradient in the glass from black at the bottom to a dark barely translucent brown at the top. Goooooood stuff.



Probably the most enjoyable beer I have each week is the one I crack open after doing the yard work. I like to get everything done and if I can wait, take a shower, then sit out in the yard with an icy cold beer and enjoy the freshly groomed yard. Oh man, it don't get no better than that. Not unless you can somehow work sex into the formula, ha.



As you are putting in your time at work this week just think about how good that cold brew will be on Friday's happy hour. Or how good it will taste on the way home from work tonight. Little rewards help us endure the work of our lives. When I am doing the yard work I am sometimes looking ahead to that nice cold beer when everything is done. I like that feeling. The beer does not taste as good if I do not mow the grass. The guilt makes it taste flat.



I would not want to eat crawfish or raw oysters without beer. Pizza is much better with beer. Mexican food requires a Dos Equis or Corona. Mardi Gras, Jazz Fest, BBQ's, football games, and holidays have a beer connection - why fight it?



How about you? What is your favorite beer? Have a great Monday and I will see you at the Tap Room.



Until the next time

John Strain

Happy 50th Emma and Earl

Emma and Earl are the parents of a close friend of mine. Saturday we celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary at the local Maritime Museum. It boggles my mind to think of being married for 50 years. I am only 46. I have been married 20 years. I think they deserve an award for just living that long. What I am trying to say is the longer I live I can better appreciate milestones like a 50th wedding anniversary. I also recognize Earl and Emma have been blessed to get there. They have shared their lives together longer than I have lived. Good for them.



Look at this picture of Earl and Emma as a young married couple in 1954. This photo adds perspective and shows how far they have come. Here is another good one of their young family. They still had one more child to be born when that picture was made. Just think about all that has taken place in their 50 years together. All of the meals cooked, diapers changed, homework helped with, clothes washed, and dishes washed. A family experiences a lot of joy, but they deal with a lot of problems too.



How fortunate to have a partner for 50 years. I consider myself fortunate to have had a partner for 20. As single parents can attest it is difficult to raise children without help. I value connections and having someone with whom I can share my thoughts and dreams. Earl and Emma have had this for half a century. As Earl points out, they have 100 years of marriage between them.



The event was of course attended by numerous friends and family members. A casual glance around the upstairs party room saw people of all ages. Happy people, many of whom exist because of Emma and Earl. Their 5 children have produced and soon their children will follow suit. Their influence goes out to their children, grandchildren, and the sons and daughters in law.



So it was a happy day, a proud day. It was a day to look over two lives lived, to marvel at how God blesses, and to give thanks for so many years together.



Here's to you Earl and Emma. May you have another 50 years. May we be as fortunate and as blessed as you. May our lives be as much a blessing as yours have been to so many.



Until the next time

John Strain

The Here and Now

On September 11 I opened my group therapy session by asking the patients if they remembered where they were and how they felt two years prior. I got a few comments I would have expected and a few patients said, "we have already talked about this in another group." Damn, the nurses beat me to it, I thought. A group leader is sometimes required to perform an "on the fly" shift of plans. This was one of those times. My segue: "We remember the fear and shock we felt - we feel it again just thinking about it. Tell me about one of the happiest days of your life." Right off a woman said, "the day my child was born." Then a man said, "the day I lost my virginity." The group erupted in laughter followed by loud congratulatory comments in support of the former virgin. I could not resist this set up. When the group calmed down, I said, "I remember when I lost my virginity too. It was dark and I was scared and I was all alone in the closet." Again the group erupted in laughter. I made a further observation, "ya'll sure participate better when the topic is sex."



We continued talking about happier times. Story after story was shared. A first bicycle, a particular Christmas memory, a graduation, and other cherished memories were articulated. With each story there were nods and words of identification. This group of people, who moments before were down, without energy, and apathetic were now laughing, vying to tell the next story, and having fun. This was the outcome I had sought.



Now the lesson. I pointed out that a few moments ago they were depressed and lethargic. Now they are energetic and laughing. Their life's circumstances have not changed. The only thing that changed was their attitude. They chose to open their minds, to participate, and dwell on happy thoughts. Maybe Peter Pan knew what he was talking about. The things we choose to focus our thoughts on are under our control. The results of how we feel are drastic depending on our choice.



I suggested the patients use this technique to change their mood. Stop negative thought patterns by laughing and thinking about good times. When one does decide to reengage his/her problems they will be better equipped to address them.



The above is an exercise in the here and now. Anxiety, in part, is a future focus. One looks ahead and sees problems leading to problems leading to more problems. Since the problems are in the future there is nothing that can be done. This frustration and fear becomes anxiety. The anxiety can become so uncomfortable that it surpasses what the feared circumstances would cause were they to happen.



We are alive now - the present. We can only act now. What we do now gives us distance from a past we would like to forget. What we do now gives us hope of a different tomorrow. We must plan, but some stay about 10 minutes ahead of the now. They never enjoy the now because they are in constant preparation for what is next. If you want to get back in the hear and now watch a child. Have you had this experience? Opening presents at Christmas creates a big mess of paper on the floor. Boxes, wrapping paper, and packaging are all over the place. Children often jump in the pile, throw the paper at each other, and decorate the dog or cat with it. There is usually an adult to say something like, "all right you kids, we have to clean this up. We need to set the table for the meal." Instead of enjoying the moment they miss it or worse experience it anxiously awaiting the future. A future which never comes because we are only in the present.



There is a story I once heard on the "Incredible Hulk" - I scour theater, art, and literature to find the best illustrations for you folks. Bill Bixby was putting the moves on some chick. Her concerns about the relationship of course centered around his anger problem and how it changed him. She felt there was no future in being his girlfriend. He explained that life is short and one must live life as it comes instead of waiting for things to be perfect. I don't know if Bill Bixby said all of this or if I am putting words in his mouth. Anyway he talked about a man walking in the mountains. The man wandered too close to the edge of a ridge. Rocks gave way and the man fell, but managed to grab a hold of a bush a few feet over the edge of the cliff. He was hanging there realizing the roots of the shrub were giving way to his weight. There was no way he could grab anything else. He knew he was going to fall to a certain death. As he hung there waiting to die he noticed that the bush had on it some fruit. He picked the fruit and ate it still hanging on. He thought to himself - how sweet, how delicious. He was in the moment. It did not matter he was going to die within a few minutes. He did not quit living just because death was near.



Past failures and future concerns are the stuff of anxiety and depression. Living in the here and now is one way to balance yourself.



How to get into the "Here and Now"

• When you come in at night give yourself 15 minutes to sit down and regroup. Fix a glass of iced tea, sit outside and enjoy being still for a few minutes. Your house will not implode if you leave a few dishes in the sink for 15 more minutes.



• Avoid over planning your fun. Some vacations more resemble a forced march than fun and relaxation. Have you been there? "Hurry up, we have to get in the car and go to the museum - hurry, the water park lines will be too long." If you are having fun somewhere don't stop just to stay on schedule. Enjoy the moment.



• When you come in at night or get up in the morning try communicating with your kids without giving them the third degree. "Did you do this, did you do that, why not, you better do thus and so, clean up that pig pen." Instead, listen to them, ask them questions about their day. Pretend they are your friends kids. Learn to appreciate them now instead of constatly telling them what to do.



• Identify what stresses you and brainstorm ways to make it less stressful.



• If you are highly structured, try to experience some unstructured time. Slow down.



• Add down time to your life. 15-30 minutes. Take a walk, sit outside, talk to your spouse.



• Practice awareness. What do you see, feel, hear, think? Focus on each sense - let the data from that source engulf your awareness.

This stuff works. I am not a "touchy feely" person. I am practical. I know the value of living in the moment. Give it a try.



Until the next time

John Strain

Hunting Elephants with a Squirt Gun

Men and self confidence are almost synonymous. John Wayne was never unsure of himself. If you can't talk sense into 'em, then punch 'em in the face. If it doesn't work properly, kick it. Blow it up. Curse it. Kill it. That will show them. They won't mess with me again.



The men I observed growing up were like this. They always knew better. If someone disagreed with them, they were stupid. If they were wrong, they would never admit it. If they were lost, they would never ask for directions. Better to drive around for an hour cursing poor road signage than to admit you don't know where you are going. If they needed help in a store they would not ask for it. Better to walk up and down every aisle for an hour than ask for help and be on your way in 5 minutes.



Women have observed this behavior for years and laughed at how ridiculous and childish it is. On the surface it appears to be a character flaw, but closer examination reveals something positive about this manly behavior.



When President John F. Kennedy said "we will walk on the moon before the end of this decade," he could just as easily have been driving and looking for an address or wandering aimlessly in a hardware store resolved not to ask for help.



This attitude and behavior is the catalyst for achieving impossible dreams. To seek what would seem to exceed one's grasp. To attempt what has never been done. All necessary for making the impossible reality.



Men know the rallying value of this emotion. It is the very thing that inspired the Notre Dame football team to win one for the "Gipper". When men see quit or disillusionment in the eyes of a fellow teammate or friend they appeal to this emotion. It has the power to make someone who has all but given up stand and fight one more time. To give it one more shot. It is during these times that men know their character is at a defining moment. At that point winning is not as important as is not giving up. Losers can be respected - quitters cannot.



Unfortunately, this attitude comes with the negative, childish side along with the positive, prone to greatness side. Society lauds the victor and scorns the stubborn won't ask for directions, won't ask for help man. They are in fact the same. Each of us, man or woman is capable of greatness but prone to mediocrity unless we fix our gaze on something higher.



Those who do achieve the impossible do it because they do not accept the limits they are told exist. They dare to dream what could be and strive to make it so. Their accomplishments are legion and their names are inscribed in our places of honor.



Until the next time

John Strain

Remembering September 11, 2001

More 9/11 Photos

This drawing of the Statue of Liberty was drawn by an 8th grade girl shortly after the 9/11 attacks.



It began as a typical Tuesday for me. One difference though, I was not watching the news as I was getting ready for work. While at work I received a call from a friend telling me about the first plane hitting the World Trade Center. I walked to the unit and watched television with a group of staff and patients. Details were trickling in as we watched the second plane hit the other tower. We all knew then it was some kind of attack. This was unfamiliar ground for me. We were not watching the aftermath of something we were watching something in progress. Then the reports of the Pentagon being hit rolled in. I remember watching the smoke rising from the Pentagon and a fear welled up in me I had not known until that day.



As the day wore on, the towers collapsed. I watched the replay of the planes crashing into the towers again and again until the images were etched into my memory. So many images of fear and disheveled people disoriented and confused. Beneath it all were the nagging questions, why did this happen? Who did this? Is it over?



I felt my share of anger and yes hate. I saw the video of people dancing in the streets in parts of the world. They were somehow happy that innocent civilians guilty only of going to work were dead. In some way this helped their cause. But what cause? What could justify such action? There is nothing to justify such action.



I stayed up late that night watching the news. Still in shock. Still asking questions and attempting to answer them. Thousands were dead, four planes crashed, the Pentagon was damaged. The world was now different.



It is impossible to comprehend the loss of 3,000 people. I browsed the 9/11 victims list and looked at some of the faces. Some of the pictures posted were from weddings or vacations. With each photo I became more aware of just what was lost on that day. Here are a few of the 3,000 people who died on September 11, 2001.

1. Charles Falkenberg, 45 and his two children Zoe 8, and Dana 3



2. Colleen Ann Barkow, 26



3. Michelle Renee Bratton, 23



4. Michael Boyle, 37



5. Veronique (Bonnie) Nicole Bowers, 28



6. Dennis Michael Cook, 33



7. Barbara Keating, 72

I found a song written by Lynn Skinner entitled Voices from The Sky. The last verse reads:



Missing voices

whisper through the broken sky

Live your life

and we will never die...



Until the next time

John Strain