My Mind Finally Clicked: The Last Gasp of Denial

I value being healthy and fit. I think of myself as a runner and someone who is in shape. While this was true much of my life. It is not true now. I have dropped off on my running to once a week or so. I have gained weight to the point 36" pants are tight - I should be wearing 32" or 33" waist. I gave blood the other day and the free cholesterol test came in and it is a whopping 223.



I knew my weight was creeping up so I quit weighing myself. I have been spending a lot of time blogging and working on my latest video / DVD project so my running has tailed off. My running partner is injured so I do not have anyone waiting on me. I can tell myself I'll run in five more minutes until I put it off altogether.



I knew in the back of my mind I was making excuses. I did not like how I looked. I cannot stand having a gut, but I could not seem to stop doing the things and start doing the things I needed to do to prevent it. I kept telling myself, after today, that's it. I am going to cut back on drinking, eating the wrong food, and I will increase my exercise. Tomorrow never came and my weight got higher. My cholesterol level increased. The things I said I value were only true for my past self.



Here are the numbers. I got my cholesterol level of 223 yesterday. I weighed this morning 214.6 when I should weigh 180 or so. My body fat scale said I had 24.8% fat. My mind clicked and I made a commitment this morning (Friday) to get back on the wagon. I will eat healthy, cut back on booze, and exercise regularly.



I am writing this to hold my own feet to the fire. If I tell people I have this goal it forces me to do the right thing, because I do not want to admit failure. I can use pride and arogance to my advantage. I have done this before. Every 3 years or so I swing from one extreme to the other. In 1997 I ran my fastest marathon 3 hours and 24 minutes. I was in the best shape of my life. Now I am overweight and slow. From now on that condition will improve.



I can write this with the certainty it will happen. I felt my mind click. I finally had enough. I am willing to take the cure. I am ready to pay the price. That is how it works with me.



In about three months the weight will be off, I will be more fit than I am now, and I will be sticking to a healthy diet.



How about you. What does your mind need to click on? You can do it, what ever it is. Go public and do it. Think how much better you will feel in three months.



I will see you at the salad bar or on the running trails.



Until the next time

John Strain

More Antics From the Psych Files

It is Friday and time to lighten up. I have culled a few more zany moments from my experiences working in psychiatric hospitals. Hope you enjoy them.

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CPR Class: As a healthcare worker I am required to take CPR regularly. This particular time I was in a class of three, my coworker (also a social worker), me, and a cute, petite, blonde headed nurse who had worked with us for about 6 months. Usually the social workers take a back seat to the nurses in medical matters and CPR was no exception. As the class went on, Cindy (the blonde) volunteered to go first at every opportunity. We had just discussed how to help someone who was choking. If the Heimlich maneuver failed you were supposed to press on the stomach up toward the diaphragm. As before Cindy volunteered to demonstrate her expertise. She straddled the dummy to begin her demonstration. If you have never seen a CPR dummy you know that they are a person from the waste up. Cindy must have thought it was a full size person because she straddled the dummy in the middle. This position strategically placed her crotch in the dummy's face. My friend and I were about to die. I did not want to totally embarrass her since I did not know her that well yet. My coworker, however, being a woman took the liberty to embarrass her. "Cindy, honey, don't you think you are a little too high up?" Cindy turned beat red and quickly slid down to the proper position. She pointed at me and said, "you better not say anything or I'll kill you." Don't worry I said, I won't say a thing . . . until you are gone. She is gone and I am telling you now.

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Sexual deviant: It was one of those groups which had people from one gamut of life to the other. On one end of the spectrum was an attractive, affluent young woman from a gated community hospitalized for depression. On the other end of the spectrum was Charlie. Charlie had schizophrenia and was a sexual deviant. Charlie wore a helmet because he had frequent seizures. He was disgusting. He used foul and vulgar language. He leered at women and tried to make a move on any female no matter what age. He had the gift to alienate anyone within seconds of his introduction.



Inspite of Charlie the group was going well until I asked him how he had been doing. "Well OK I guess, but lately I have stopped masturbating and have begun f***ing the German Shepherd next door." To my amazement the depressed lady did not freak out at such an extreme statement. The group snickered and gasped, but they had been exposed to Charlie already and this was no shock to them. I said almost as a reflex, "I wouldn't worry about that Charlie, it's probably just puppy love." We all laughed and moved on. Sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.

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Jail: Today (Thursday) a couple of patients combined forces to stage a protest. The female leader who is quite histrionic started screaming, "It is like being in jail here." "You treat us like shit." "This is jail." I told one of the techs within her earshot, "get her a tin cup." Dawn began laughing hysterically. "Did you hear that, he said give them a tin cup. HaHa Ha." She kept laughing and I thought she was laughing at my intended image of prisoners raking their tin cups across the bars in cliche prison behavior. I was incorrect. She continued, "it is so funny, a tin cup. . . we could walk around and do tricks and people would give us tips." She somehow associated an "organ grinder" with the tin cup instead of my prison movie reference.

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Holding Back Laughter: Many times patients say things that are funny and I laugh with them. Sometimes though, patients say things that are funny, but intended to be serious. You cannot laugh then or it would be disrespectful. Once I was doing an assessment on a new patient. He was telling me why he was in the hospital and a lot of it had to do with his wife. After he described a litany of complaints about his wife he said, "I don't know. . .she has a bandana against me." Of course he should have said "vendetta." He kept repeating himself and the way he said it was hilarious to me. It was as if he had no clue about his wife. Then as if to give himself a reason for her alleged behaviors he would say,"I guess she has a bandana against me." It was very hard controlling my laughter. I had to do the fake cough a couple of times just to relieve the pressure. Who hasn't had to do that in church when they got tickled?



Keep your chin up and give the world a great big smile.



Until the next time

John Strain

An English Lady

Some of the nicest and most interesting people live their lives without notice or formal recognition. Their value and uniqueness is appreciated only by the few friends and family members who know them. Lois is one such person and she will be moving away to Wisconsin next week to live with her daughter. Without Lois the aura of Covington will not shine as brightly. The citizens won't know the reason, but they will feel something is missing without her here. They will probably never know their uneasy feeling, their unexplained sense of loss is a result of one less English lady in their town.



England is where Lois' journey began. She grew up in turbulent times and remembers the German blitz well. There were times she and her family took refuge under their kitchen table in the dark for protection from the falling bombs. I asked her once if she was scared of dying during those times. "Not really," she replied, "I was more concerned about getting in trouble with my teachers if my homework was not completed." Apparently her teachers did not excuse incomplete work just because a few bombs were falling in the neighborhood.



I heard a story once about the English "stiff upper lip." During the blitz a home took a direct hit from a German bomb. Neighbors rushed to pull the only inhabitant - an older lady from the rubble. She was dazed and semiconscious. A neighbor remembered the woman kept a bottle of scotch under her stairway. He rummaged around and located the bottle then rushed back to where she was laid out on the lawn. They propped her up and gave her a sip of the scotch to help bring her around. After tasting the expensive liquor she said, "what are you doing? That scotch was only for an emergency." Lois could have been that woman. Maybe because she had to confront death at an early age or maybe because she had to get by on meager provisions she learned to be content when many around her were not. She takes things in stride and usually can find the fun or the beauty in something that others may overlook.



In England during World War II American troops stayed in private homes. The GI who stayed in her home was from New Orleans. Powerless to resist his southern charm, Lois fell in love. Two years after the war ended she booked passage on the Queen Mary. Her GI met her in New York and they were married. Next stop New Orleans. She would later have three children one being a close friend of mine - Brian the psychologist. (Photos of young Lois)



Her husband died about 13 years ago. Lois continued to stay busy working in some of the antique shops and a country club. Employers like her presence and the English accent. She loves animals and worked for the Humane Society as a volunteer. Seeing other needs for animals in our area she started an organization named "Pets and People as Partners." Their purpose is to make spaying and neutering of pets available to everyone regardless of income.



Lois is a good sport. I like to tease her about W.W.II. Brian and I will be talking about D-Day and I will ask her, "were the British at that battle?" Or we might tease her around July 4th - something about the US kicking England's ass in that war. She came to one of my storied Halloween parties with her daughter both dressed as cows. She attends the Mardi Gras parties and most social gatherings. She offers a unique spin on things to conversation. The "F" word has never sounded so elegant as when Lois says it. One of her favorite television shows is "Jerry Springer." She watches it with her son sometimes amazed at the behavior she is witnessing. "I say Brian," she will comment. "Have you ever seen such carrying on?"



Next week she will move to Wisconsin to be with her daughter. Our BBQ's will be minus one English accent. We will have one less person to harass. We will miss her wit and her genuineness. Get ready Wisconsin. Louisiana is sending a priceless gem your way - don't overlook her - a real English lady.



Until the next time

John Strain

Just Another Day

Today was my 17,000 day of life. You may have missed it on the news, but it happened. I have not been looking forward to this day in anticipation. Somehow it slipped up on me. There were no special celebrations or parties held in honor of day 17,000. It was just another day. How can that be? We usually stop to recognize milestones. I noticed the 1,000th hit on my blog Friday evening. I went to someone's 50th wedding anniversary party on Saturday. But my 17,000th day on earth was just another day. Unrecognized by everyone including myself. I refuse to not give it some sort of recognition.



The day began beautifully. When I stepped outside to get the paper the first thing I noticed was the usual sticky humidity was absent. The temperature was cool. It looks like fall as the sun comes from a different angle. The sky is bluer. It makes me feel different, almost expectant, but for what? I am energized with school starting back, football games, and shorter daylight. My live oak trees are dropping acorns like crazy. Squirrels around here get fat because they do not have to work at all. In the early AM the acorns can be heard hitting tin roofs or sheds around the neighborhood. All of a sudden I hear the POP, then the roll of something uneven down a roof, then silence as the acorn falls to the ground.



Work was busy and draining. I had several folks in my face a lot with unending demands. It eventually beats you down. I worked pretty hard today - for a change. On my way home I remembered my friend's political forum was in an hour. I had to wolf down a Sonic hamburger and tator tots for supper to get to the forum on time. He is running for a parish (they call them parishes in Louisiana instead of counties) council seat. The forum was arranged by the League of Women Voters. I have to say, I was heartened by the candidates running for office on the parish level. They were intelligent and well intended. There are good politicians out there and I am glad good people still seek to serve.



After the forum, I got home about 9:45 PM and was hungry. I opened the pantry and almost grabbed Hobo's Pedigree Breath Busters snacks instead of my chips. I think Barbara is trying to give me a hint about my breath. Since my dog Hobo has been getting in the closet to help himself to his treats, Barbara started putting them on the same shelf as my snacks. Were it not for a picture of a big dog on the package, I would probably have eaten half the bag before I realized it.



So day 17,000 came and went with nothing of significance to remember. Another day like so many before this one. Many days have been worse and a lot have been better. I shouldn't feel too bad. Mars was closer to the earth than it had been for a zillion years and a lot of people yawned.



Here are my day 17,000 thoughts. Humbled and grateful for such a gift, challenged to use the days I have left productively. I am grateful for my life including my friends, family, abilities, and experiences.



Here's to regular days, may you appreciate them and may they be many.



Until the next time

John Strain

A Sense of Wonder

When was the last time you wondered? The word "awesome" is overused today, but when was the last time you were awestruck? Adulthood and responsibility sometimes extinguish the flames of wonder and awe in a person. Children have it naturally. Then we get "cool" and stop making fusses over sunsets and rainbows. In the song "Both Sides Now" Joni Mitchell went from seeing clouds as "boughs and boughs of angel hair and ice cream castles everywhere" to "now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone." The lyrics are a poetic way of describing one's loss of wonder.



On the dedication page of the fairy tale series, "The Chronicles of Narnia," C.S. Lewis wrote to his granddaughter. "I am afraid you have grown too old for fairy tales, but someday you will once again be old enough for them." The muppet song, "The Rainbow Connection" is about those who still have their sense of wonder. "Someday they'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me."



My mother tells a story of a first grader who drew a picture of a purple cow. He came home that night proud of his work and showed his grandmother. "Look at my picture Grandma," the little boy said proudly handing the picture to his grandmother. Seeing the color of the cow, grandma commented, "I have never seen a purple cow before." "Oh grandma," he said very seriously, "that's too bad."



The movie "Hook" was about a man who had traded his sense of wonder for the corporate rat race. I do not think I will spoil the ending for you if I say he got it back.



I have heard some say that wonder is for childhood. It is dispersed as knowledge grows. To me knowledge only increases my sense of wonder. I remember the childbirth classes Barbara and I attended. The more I learned about prenatal development the more I was amazed and was in awe of the birth process. Miracles are everywhere. We do not recognize them because they are common place. It is easy to take them for granted. Traveling cultivates a sense of wonder often to the amusement of the locals. I love to have guests from other parts of the country. They marvel at the Louisiana landscape, the culture, and wildlife. Through their eyes, I can see things anew. When I travel to the mountains I cannot look at them enough. The sun and clouds cause a constant change, a kaleidoscope of color and beauty. It is the same at the beach. The sunlight glistening on the water and the sound of the surf are hypnotic and relaxing. Wonder requires the fertile soil of an open mind.



We kid ourselves into thinking we know a lot. Compared to what there is to know in the universe the collective knowledge of mankind probably amounts to one grain of sand out of all of the seashores and deserts on earth. Education really shows us what we do not know. That leaves plenty of room to be amazed, to be in awe, to feel wonder.



How do butterflies get such beautiful colors? How do lightening bugs illuminate? How does sperm and an egg become a person? How does a seed know to make an oak tree instead of a cornstalk? How do the sounds of music make us weep or words make us laugh? Our universe, our world, ourselves are marvels of wonder for those who can still be as a child and look at something with an innocence and a freshness.



Will this way of looking at things carry over to political debates and personal relationships? Will people open their minds and see things as though for the first time? I wonder.



Until the next time

John Strain