Manners
Yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir. When I moved south to Louisiana I heard these phrases a lot. Children are raised to say them. Boys are taught to look another man in the eye and shake their hand upon greeting them. When addressing an adult, a child does not call them by name like Sally or Robert. It is Miss Sally and Mr. Robert. It is expected in most circles of polite society. We call it having good manners.
I take it for granted, but when I have visitors from other parts of the country, they often comment about how polite the kids are here. My son and his friends all employ the above expectations. The visiting adults are nearly floored. They speak of less mannerly behavior from where they hale.
When considering manners we must take into account form and substance. Eddie Haskell in "Leave It To Beaver" had form without substance. He was polite to the adults, but he was always running some kind of con. Some people are opposite, having poor presentation, but good as gold in their intentions. Being "politically correct" to me is more about form than it is about substance. The debates in the media are usually more whining about someone's choice of verbiage than it is addressing the substance of the issue.
The media is influential. I grew up watching television. Thank God I watched Ward Cleaver and Andy Griffith. Today it is Homer Simpson and Ozzie Ozborne. Bad manners are pervasive in the media. News programs are more shouting matches and less debate. James Carville is a good example of form over substance. He has a rapid fire delivery and it is entertaining, but most of what he says is not true. The media is not very good at holding people to the truth. Instead, people prattle on telling one lie after another, unchecked.
Another mannerless area of the media is the "in your face" format of Jerry Springer. I suppose it has some degree of entertainment value. The constant yelling at each other and the dysfunctional scenarios are the opposite of manners.
I am not one to shift responsibility from an individual to television, video games, and comic books, but I do recognize these things in society have some impact especially on young developing minds. Garbage in garbage out.
I have been thinking about manners the past couple of days due to so called blog reviewers. I was struck by the total lack of manners by these folks. Criticism can be delivered constructively or it can be used to ridicule and to hurt.
I am a counselor and a lot of what I do is teach. If someone has a problem with their anger, I do not point my finger at them and say, "what a dumb ass, you can't control your anger." They already feel bad about it. I go out of my way to make them feel OK so they can begin to learn how to change. I suspect some of these reviewers are getting some sort of pleasure out of hurting people's feelings. This behavior is much more prevalent in grade school. The bully feeling bad about himself learns to feel better by putting others down.
Mature individuals can politely and effectively share criticism with others. This is where the substance part comes in. If I receive criticism from someone, I assign weight to it based on the substance or intentions of the critic. A coach may yell at me, but he wants me to improve. A teacher may push me, but she sees potential in me I may not see in myself. We find it easy to respect the teachers who have good intentions. If we disappoint them it usually motivates us to work harder.
The folks with poor intentions or who employ harsh, mean, hypercritical tactics are sadistic. You are the dog they are kicking because they cannot face their problems head on. Run from these people. It is not worth your time to attempt to reason with them they will only use that as an opportunity to kick you again.
When we pour out our heart in a blog and post it on the internet, anyone can read it. When we put up comment links, anyone can comment. Some however believe free speech is a license to use bad manners. Blog reviewers would better get my attention if their criticism was delivered with some encouragement. Sometimes blog reviewers are professional programmers or writers. They have spent a lot more time in school than I have learning how to design a web site. I would be an easy target. So if my code looks like a rookie wrote it - a rookie did. Play laugh track now.
I enjoy learning about other people in other parts of the world. It is our diversity and differences that draw me (the form). Then when I explore the differences (the substance), I find more and more similarities. The similarities are people who love life, choose encouragement over ridicule, seek friendship, optimistic, humorous, and guided by common sense forged from a life lived. They are people who have known pain and hardship, but have not become bitter and angry with life. Help instead of hurt, love instead of hate, laugh with instead of laugh at - all these things are characteristics of the folks in my list of "Blogs I Read."
You can please some of the people some of the time - be satisfied with that. Manners are a choice in both form and substance.
Until the next time
John Strain