Mental Illness and the Self
One day, as a group therapy exercise, I was using the Alcoholic's Anonymous piece
Just For Today. It is a 9 verse poem of sorts that encourages the reader to live a certain way,
just for today. Follow the link above to read the entire piece. The verse I want to comment on is as follows:
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn & not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don’t want to do–just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
I asked some of the group members for examples of what they could do today to help someone else. After a few appropriate answers, I asked one gentleman what he could do to help someone. Arnold said this in response to my question, "If someone sees me sitting by myself, they could bring me a cup of coffee." Arnold was not trying to be funny, nor could he hide his total self-absorption. This example is a glimpse into the lives of many who are depressed, stressed, anxious, or however they choose to define their malady. These afflictions tend to close people off. They retreat from their life to their home and eventually into themselves. The cure is to expand their life, to reach out beyond their four walls and themselves.
Helping others is a concept often lost on psychiatric patients. After all, they are in a hospital and need help, how can they help someone else? It is a paradox of sorts and
Dr. Karl Menninger is credited with propagating such a concept. He believed strongly in the healing power of helping others.
Dr. Karl was asked what a person should do if he felt a "nervous breakdown" coming on. He said: "Lock up your house, go across the railroad tracks, find someone in need, and do something for them."
Another notable quote on this topic by Karl Menninger:
"Love cures people-both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."
I have noticed how patients cease to hear the therapist and I think it is because they know what the therapist is going to say. When I start talking about him or her doing something for someone else, it throws him or her off. They are challenged and encouraged to do something instead of being told they are sick and should lay back. Some are so self-absorbed, they respond, as did Arnold, finding it difficult to put themselves in the roll of helpers.
Some things are universal and helping others is one of those things. If you spend time helping another, you are not thinking about yourself. The time you spend focusing on another is time you are not dwelling on your own problems. The AA folks have it right. The soul is exercised when we give to another without credit or fanfare.
Along this same vein, I came across some writing by a therapist named
Marty Nemko. In his article
The Case Against Long Term Therapy, Nemko referred to some of his clients who had spent years in therapy, but were habitually, unhappy, unemployed, alone, and miserable. A tough love lecture was sometimes given. The lecture went like this:
I’m going to pretend I’m not a counselor but a jerk: “You are a loser, an excuse-making, lazy loser. You have so much potential but you’ve pissed away your life by blaming everyone but yourself for your failures: your mother, your education, your boss. ”Or you say, ‘I’m just hard-wired that way.” You may be, but many people with your wiring have made a helluva lot more of their lives. Keep going and you’ll always be a loser.”
Such tough love lectures often shake a person up enough to make some changes according to Marty Nemko. Sometimes a therapist has to get a person’s attention before he/she can help them.
Being self absorbed and chronically selfish is debilitating. It can be disguised as anxiety or depression. The sufferer alone holds the key to their self made prison, but a good therapist can help them find the key and turn the lock.
Do you need a little boost? Do as Dr. Menninger suggests, lock your house, go across the railroad tracks and find someone in need and help them -just for today.
Until the next time
John Strain
Sunday, October 10, 2004 at 8:27AM 
In life there are many hellos. We meet people, children are born, and jobs are landed. With every hello there will be a goodbye. The hellos are fun and often exciting, while the goodbyes can break your heart and leave a kind of pain that never heals.
October 6, 1927 is the day "The Jazz Singer" with Al Jolson premiered. Ironically, Sam Warner a cofounder of the studio died the day before at the age of 40.