The coldest I've ever been
Many of you know I started out to be a minister. I studied a ministerial student curriculum in college and earned a masters degree from seminary. I worked as a minister for a couple of years before returning to school to work on my counseling license.
Three of us in college made up a group a local minister had taken under his wing to teach some of the finer points of being a pastor. We talked about things like dealing with difficult church members, conducting business meetings, officiating at weddings and funerals, and how to perform baptisms.
Now the Southern Baptists believe the method of baptism should be immersion. Other faiths may sprinkle or pour water over the baptizee. Church history is full of debate about the proper mode of baptism. Most folks agree that baptism is to be a public statement of an individual that he/she has decided to follow Christ. It is a lot more than that, but it is not a ticket to heaven.
Therefore, folks who argue the mode of baptism, generally do it in a good-natured way. It is like the Methodist minister and the Baptist minister discussing this very subject.
Methodist: If someone were to walk into the water waste deep, would they be baptized?
Baptist: No.
Methodist: How about if you walked into the water shoulder deep, would one be baptized then?
Baptist: No.
Methodist: OK, suppose you walked into the water neck deep, would you be baptized then?
Baptist: Nope.
Methodist: Let's say you walked into the water and were completely under water except for the very top of your head, would that constitute baptism?
Baptist: No. Even if you walk in the water with just the tip of your head showing, you're still not baptized.
Methodist: Well, that's the part WE baptize.
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So, Baptists immerse. Most Baptist churches have a baptistery so that baptisms can be done during a worship service. In the old days and in present day in some smaller churches, baptisms were / are performed in a local creek or river. It was a good idea to walk down the aisle and get saved in nice weather. Otherwise, you might find yourself being baptized in an icy cold stream in January. I know what that feels like too.
Our little group in discussing baptism decided it would be a good idea to actually practice performing baptisms. It was January in Missouri and unseasonably frigid. We assembled at a little church out in the country.
We stood on the church steps as our mentor fumbled with the keys to the door. The ground was covered with crunchy snow magnifying the moonlight making the night quite luminous. We were freezing and ready to retreat to the warmth of the little church.
Low budget country churches do not run their heaters all the time. Inside was not much warmer than the snow covered steps outside. We flipped on some lights as we wound our way around to the baptistery.
The baptistery was homemade out of metal. I remember it was painted the aqua of a swimming pool, but more importantly, the heater did not work. The water was ice cold.
What started out to be a lesson in how to properly baptize a repentant sinner, turned into a typical male weenie-measuring contest. I wasn't going to say the water was too cold and neither were Chris and Steve.
We decided each of us would baptize the other two. Therefore, you had to be in the water long enough to baptize two people and be baptized by the other two would be ministers.
Clad with a swimming suit, I tested the water with my foot and it immediately went numb. After some deliberation, I decided to just get in all at once. I take band aids off the same way. No pulling a little at a time, you just give it a quick yank.
So I took the plunge and found myself in the middle of the baptistery in waste deep water. I remember Steve and Chris saying, "Look how red he is." They were right. I guess all of the blood in my legs retreated to my torso. I was red, but more than anything else, I was freezing.
Water that cold hurts and it really messes with your breathing. The rest of the time is only a blur in my memory. I guess it is like the interruptions in the White House tapes. Maybe they fell into cold water too. What I do remember is jumping in and out of the water to baptize or be baptized. Being plunged beneath the water of that temperature was enough to make me defect to the Methodists.
When we finished, I remember my flesh was so clammy, it was difficult to dress. I was cold. No, I was colder than that. Once back at my dorm, I got under the covers and just shivered. I thought I would never warm up, but eventually, that next July, I returned to normal.
There have been times in my life, in which I wondered if people had any idea what I had to go through to provide a service. I am talking about getting up at 2:30 am to deliver the newspaper and freezing to death to learn how to properly baptize someone.
That night I was born again and again and again. I have never been so cold. It happened about this time of year, but here in Louisiana, it was almost 80 degrees today. I guess over time, things balance out.
Until the next time
John Strain
Wednesday, January 11, 2006 at 12:01AM 
This is a picture of me by the stress ball I tore up. My dad's sister Becky sent him a Lambert's Throwed Roll stress ball for Christmas. It looked so much like a hot roll, I tried to eat it. When dad found all of the pieces on the rug, he got mad. At that moment, I think he really needed a stress ball.
This is a picture of Ben. I wrote about him last October going off to Navy boot camp and eventually BUD/S (SEAL Training). He is staying in the Great Lakes facility until July, then to San Diego for BUD/S. Good luck Ben, so far so good.