I’m everything and I’m nothing: Thoughts on the concept of the self
Integration and balance are words that do not describe much these days. Partisan, polarized, and extremist are more accurate. When I think of metaphors for describing one’s concept of self, the scales of justice come to mind.
Balance is achieved by having equal amounts of weight on each side of the scales. Keep in mind a pound of feathers and a pound of lead are equal in weight, but not in mass and appearance. Equality is not sameness, yet a balance can be achieved.
When I think about myself, I think in terms of “I am nothing: and “I am everything.” The integration of these two phrases is important to develop a healthy sense of self.
I am nothing
These words are blasphemy to some self-esteemists out there, but hear me out. To have a healthy sense of self one needs humility. A lack of humility is illustrated in the “spoiled brat” or the “arrogant SOB” who act as if they are the only ones who matter.
These folks want special treatment and they expect rules should bend to them instead of the other way around.
In Alcoholics Anonymous a famous slogan is, “I used to bemoan the fact I had no shoes; and then I saw a man who had no feet.” The man with no shoes was not bad. Nor was he bad for wanting shoes. However, when he saw the man with no feet, he felt gratitude for his shoeless feet. The only thing that changed for him was his perspective.
Things may not be perfect, they may even be bad, but they can always be worse. The world is full of people, more than 6 billion. I am but one. Do I deserve more than an orphan in India? Do I deserve less than Donald Trump?
In seminary, I learned the concept of God’s holiness. His perfection separates man from Him, but his love brings man close to Him. Next to God we are nothing, but because of His love for us, we are something.
Humility is being aware that you are nothing. Gratitude grows from humility. I have a relatively happy life. I have a house, car, family, friends, and good health. I have worked for these things, but my work and efforts do not constitute a guarantee. There is no universal law that says hard workers will always be happy.
Some have lived better lives and have worked harder, yet their lives have been one tragedy after another. On the other hand, some haven’t done anything at all to earn a happy life. They haven’t worked or sacrificed, yet they seem to have so much.
Humility is another way of saying, “But for the grace of God go I.”
To say, “I am nothing,” is not necessarily a statement of low self-esteem. It is, in many ways, an accurate fact.
I as an individual am insignificant in relation to time. In a hundred years or less, my life and memory will be swept away.
I as an individual am insignificant in terms of importance. If I were kidnapped by terrorists, the government would not negotiate with them to save my life.
The better we understand how insignificant we are and how close to nothing we are, the more grateful we become. Our awareness of insignificance should trigger great joy. We are alive now. We get to see the sunrise and the sunset of another day. All that you cherish is here for you to enjoy; today. There is no promise of how long this time will be. It is measured out differently to everyone.
When I say, “I am nothing,” I am summoning gratitude by realizing my gifts and the things for which I have to be thankful. It leaves me feeling humble. Humility puts me in the proper frame of mind to be a good citizen, a good neighbor, and ultimately a good man. I am more willing to help, to be tolerant, and to reach out when I am humble, than when I am feeling sorry for myself and slighted or when I am feeling smug and arrogant.
I am everything
The other tenet one needs for a healthy self-concept is to believe they are everything.
This concept has been distorted as well. Some Christian groups use faulty logic to justify gluttony and greed. Their argument goes something like this:
I am God’s child. God is the creator of the universe; He is a king. Therefore, I am a child of the king. A king’s child does not wear ragged clothes or drive a dumpy car. A child of the king has the best of the best. I deserve to have good things because I am a king’s kid.
Let’s examine what I believe is a healthier way of understanding this concept.
Have you ever looked at someone and admired their beauty, sense of humor, athletic skill, ability to speak, or cooking talent? It is natural to look at others and admire them for something they are or for something they can do.
Have you ever looked at a child and felt love for them just because they exist? This too is a natural feeling.
Can you look at yourself the same way? Can you recognize and admire your own talents? Can you love yourself just because you exist? Sadly, this seems more difficult. We are often taught such thoughts are selfish or vain.
Instead of loving themselves, people wait for someone else to do it. The trouble is, parents, teachers, spouses, and friends may never do it. They may never recognize your uniqueness or your talents. They may not sense how important something is to you and offer you encouragement and support.
This only comes from within. We must nurture ourselves. Along the way, some will notice and offer kind words. Others will admire what you do, but admiration from without is only icing on the cake of your already held opinion about yourself.
The poet said: “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” If you wait for another to guess what you want in life or to figure out just what to say to you to fulfill your dreams, you will most likely have a long wait.
When we only dream things that others will approve we give away something more precious than gold. Many of the things we desire come as byproducts. Love, admiration, and respect are granted to those who follow their own heart and travel their own path.
You are important and deserving of anything anyone else is. Yes you are insignificant by number and importance, but so is everyone else. Believe in yourself. Take your shot. Give it your best. Dare to grasp what your mind can conceive.
To see your self as nothing is actually viewing yourself in an objective perspective. This view of self should foster humility and gratitude resulting in tolerance, open mindedness, and service to others.
To see your self as everything is another perspective in which you admire your uniqueness. You seek to advance your own dreams, wishes, and desires with your God given gifts and hard work, but not at the expense of others.
The integration and balance of these concepts result in a love for self and others.
As Dennis Miller says, “This is just my opinion, I may be wrong.”
Until the next time
John Strain