A Positive Outlook
I have been sampling blogs and many of them are dark, depressing, hopeless, angry, blaming, hating, finger pointing, and overall negative in tone. One 15 year old boy wrote "life is shit and people are shit, everything sucks." I know there is pain and suffering in the world. There is injustice and poverty. To allow these things to define life is to ignore beauty, love, hope, endurance, enthusiasm, faith, and laughter.
Not convinced? Then read on and learn what is positive about YOU, OTHERS, THE WORLD, AND TRANSCENDENCE.
YOU: What is positive about you? For starters you "are." You exist and are worthy of respect. You have senses to see, hear, smell, touch, and taste your environment. Take each sense one at a time and think about its own ecstasies.
What beauty have you seen? White birds against a brilliant blue sky. Falling snow. A rainbow. The smile of someone who loves you. An orange sunset on the ocean. A waterfall.
What have you heard? A whispered "I love you" in the dark. The breathing of your love sleeping by your side. Your child calling to you. A symphony. A screaming guitar. A crowd cheering for your team or maybe even you for some accomplishment.
What have you smelled? Baking bread. The scent of your child or love. Cotton candy at the circus. Popcorn at the movies. The rain. Fall. Freshly cut grass. Steaks on a charcoal grill. Freshly shampooed hair. Fresh coffee in the morning.
What have you touched? A little hand clasping your finger. Holding and caressing your love. Shaking the hand of a friend. The soft fur of a kitten. A warm bath. The cool grass on bare feet. The feel of clean sheets. A warm bed in winter.
What have you tasted? A fresh kiss. Chocolate cake. Lobster. Ocean water. Ice water when you are parched. Warm fudge. Insert your favorite taste here.
These senses give us information and our brain uses it to create something greater than the sum of its parts. We can reason and hang on and endure. We can choose not to quit and not to hate and not to be negative. Human history is full of examples of people who have overcome struggle and hardship to become great and to do great things.
Those who succeed are not the gifted necessarily or the wealthy or the best physical specimens. Those who succeed have learned how to tap their almost limitless resources within themselves. They believe and they hope and they work. They do not give in and they do not give up. They know they are working for something special and will endure difficulties to succeed. Set backs will only delay their success not destroy it.
The tools necessary to succeed are within. I once went to a professor in seminary to talk about some things I was disillusioned about. He listened to me and agreed that what was bothering me was real. Then he said this, "you are in a spiritual desert. You have come to me hoping I would give you water or show you where the water is. I cannot do that, but I can tell you the water is there and if you continue to search for it you will find it." I stopped looking for "the answer" and began looking for "an answer." All I really needed was a little assurance and support. He helped me through my struggle.
Struggle helps us. It shapes our character. It helps us appreciate what we often take for granted. The baby bird must struggle to be hatched. If it is helped out of the egg it will die. Without struggle we become spoiled. We expect things to always be right, to always work and that is not reality.
My parents and grandparents knew struggle from living through the Depression and for living through the World War II years. That generation learned to depend on themselves to survive. They did not choose hardship, but they met the challenge - what was the alternative?
YOU come from good stock. Look what others accomplished with less. How much more do we have today in the way of technology and knowledge. We only lack some confidence and the opportunity. I have faith in you. I know of what you are capable.
OTHERS: Ridicule, gossip, slander, and verbal attacks can become a habit. It is all too common today. It is modeled in political campaigns and on news talk shows. There is a serious lack of respect and kindness in too much of society. One can present a point and even disagree respectfully. This, however, has become all to infrequent.
We have all had the experience of not liking someone, but after getting to know them ended up liking them or at least no longer disliking them. This is because we begin to see the things we have in common and not just the things we do not have in common. How boring would be the world if we were all alike. Diversity is what makes life interesting.
In the hospital where I work people often find themselves grouped in ways they would never choose. African Americans, rednecks, rich, poor, gay, straight, old, and young. Because of their differences they would never interact on the outside, but all sharing the common thread of psychiatric inpatient care, they almost always gain respect for each other. I have seen it many times and it always feels good to see barriers melt away through the power of tolerance and genuine respect.
Interdependence basically means we depend on each other in society. Each citizen does "something" and if we all "do something" we all benefit. Because people do their jobs, we enjoy electricity, water, fresh food nearby, roads, medical care, and so on. Interdependence is another reason to appreciate others. If you, however, like to abuse store clerks and fast food workers, read some of these stories from
customerssuck.com. They will teach you what passive aggressive is all about. Maybe then you will realize our interdependence. The little people, insignificant, and unimportant can make your life miserable based on your actions. They can also enrich your life, but they give you what you give them. Be nice.
If you love yourself and if you enjoy support and encouragement then pass it on. Kindness and joy are contagious. You choose each day how you will interact with others. Make it positive, spread kindness and goodwill. Do you remember the fable about the lion who spared the mouse. One day the mouse helped remove the thorn from the lion's paw. You never know how something you do today will come back to you tomorrow. It works both ways too, meanness is repaid as is kindness.
THE WORLD: The world is a fascinating place. It abounds in natural beauty that even cities and man made structures cannot conceal. Each day a new sunrise and sunset is painted on a canvas for those with awareness to savor. The landscapes are dynamic and each season's beauty exhausts our descriptive adjectives.
Yes the world can be harsh. Nature is not kind. We are susceptible to disease and natural disaster. But even in the hurricanes and erupting volcanoes there is order and beauty. The world is predictable. We know we will someday die. We know that those we love will die too. We cannot change these harsh realities, but we can choose to live for today. If we drink in each day and live it fully we will not be full of regrets when our bodies begin to fail us and life's tragedies begin to assail us.
Do not expect the world to revolve around you or to adjust to you. Instead adjust to it, learn how it works do not act so surprised when hardships come they are inevitable. We learn from everything even hardship and pain. Allow yourself to learn these lessons in their time.
TRANSCENDENCE: To love yourself, to love others, and to live life as it comes is more easily done with a sense of transcendence. In 12 Step Programs this is the Higher Power. If you are a Christian it would be God. You do not have to be religious, but a sense of transcendence is a source of strength. One need not ponder the night sky for long without feeling small. Where did all of this come from? There are forces at work in our universe beyond us. Some religions believe this power is accessible. A sense of transcendence helps us make sense out of things. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? What do you value? What are your priorities?
One of the things I did when I worked with batterers (domestic violence), was a values exercise. Why values? Because values transcend us. A person would die for their highest values. At the end of the exercise, men would have identified the three or four things they valued most. Usually it was their family, wife, kids, God, or country. I would then make a statement and ask a few questions. You have identified what you value most. Now think about how you are living. Are you living as though they were your highest priority? Do you spend your time and money on these things or relationships? Ask yourself these questions.
To counteract negativity involves our conscious efforts. We must choose to be positive. You are not shit. Other people are not shit. The world does not suck. On the contrary. You are a unique masterpiece. We are interdependent on others who are themselves unique masterpieces. We all live in a magnificent world and if we think about it long enough we feel the transcendent and act in ways that more respect ourselves, others, and the world. Through this sense of transcendence we realize there is something or someone beyond us and that makes us more powerful and innovative and creative and loving than we could ever be on our own.
Life is good. Life is short. Live it fully. Love your neighbor. Look to God.
Until the next time
John Strain
Friday, September 5, 2003 at 5:12AM 
