Values Exercise

Yesterday, I asked you to make a list of the 10 things which were most important to you. The list could include people, things, concepts, and anything you deem important. If you did not do this, take a moment and make one now. Do this exercise when you have a few minutes. If you hurry through, it will have less meaning.



I will alter the exercise a bit for this venue. If I were talking to a group, I would be more detailed and elaborate with the scenario. However, if you take it seriously, the results will be the same.

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Suppose you are on an airplane heading for Hawaii with your closest friends and family. You can be traveling with anyone you like. Let that image soak in. Feel the excitement of going on vacation. What will you do first once you arrive? Go to the beach? Rest in the hotel? Don't worry about money, everything is taken care of - all expenses are paid for one week.



As you settle in to your seat thinking about the fun you are going to have, the pilot comes on the intercom and announces the plane is having some engine problems. Things should be fine, but you need to give up one item on your list to keep the plane airborne.



Cross one item off of your list.



The crisis is past and you again begin to relax. You are thinking about your life and how many things you have done. Another adventure awaits you in Hawaii with your friends. Just as you are completely relaxed again, the pilot addresses the passengers once again. Bottom line is the plane will crash unless everyone crosses one more item off of their list.



Cross a second off of your list.



After another hour or so listening to the rhythmic hum of the jet engines you notice the noise change. They begin to cut out and sputter. Soon the engines are completely shut down. In a strange silence, the plane continues to glide and lose altitude quickly. If you are going to make it into one of the life boats when the plane hits the water you will need to cross item three off of your list.



Cross a third item off of your list.



Each time you cross an item off of your list, you are doing so to stay alive. It is either die or live on without whatever thing you choose to live without. At this time, you have seven items left. Suddenly the life boat is surrounded by sharks. They are big ones and threaten to swamp your small craft. The only way to get rid of the sharks and stay alive is to give up one more item.



Cross a fourth item off of your list.



The sharks are gone now and you float in the life boat for a couple of days. You are hungry and thirsty. The sun has burned your skin. You feel the life begin to slip away from you. Without food and water you will surely die in the life boat. Food and water is available and you can save yourself, but you must cross one more item off of your list and it will be gone forever.



Cross a fifth item off of your list.



You are strong again. There is plenty of food and water to sustain you. Aloe has soothed your sunburn. Strength has returned to you. Hope wells up inside, there is an undeniable feeling growing that you will be rescued. Then you hear something. At first, you are not even sure you hear anything at all, but soon you know the sound is a helicopter. Rescue is near and eventually the hovering helicopter lowers a basket for you. To enter the basket and be rescued, you must cross one more item off of your list.



Cross a sixth item off of your list.



You are almost home. In order to return home safely you must cross one more item off of your list.



Cross a seventh item off of your list.



What do you have left? Which three items remain? These three things are what are most important to you. Now ask yourself. If someone were to observe your life, would it be obvious to them these three things are what you value most? How much of your time, energy, and money do you put into these three things? Is it proportionate to the importance you ascribed them? What are your thoughts and feelings after taking this exercise? Do you feel you need to make any changes?

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I used this exercise when I worked with men who had been arrested for spousal abuse. They were court ordered to attend my class. We would have fun with the above scenario, but as they had to wrestle with sacrificing items, the class grew quieter and more serious. They were truly thinking about life without their valued things. At times, a man might choose to die. "I cannot imagine living without X or Y," they would say, "and so they would perish." People make these choices in life all of the time. A soldier who throws himself on a live grenade puts the survival of his buddies above his own life. Parents often sacrifice for their children.



Back to the abusers. Almost always, the men would wind up with their family in the top three items. I would ask the hard questions. You say your children are your most valued thing, do your actions bear this out? You say your wife is what you value most, yet you hit her, how do you explain this?



I did not have to connect the dots for these men. They knew their words and actions were often out of sync. I could just tell them something like this. You know Bob, if you value your family at all, you will not scream and belittle your wife. You won't do it in front of the children either. You wouldn't spend a lot of your money on drinking and carousing. If we were to look at your actions and not your words, we would say you value anger and alcohol. I could say that,, but it would not have the impact this exercise would. Often times, men would leave in silence as though just hit between the eyes with a post mal. The next week often brought changed men back to the group.



Granted, the class dealt with a lot more than just this exercise. This came later on in the class, but it had impact. The men and sometimes women in the class were confronted with a contradiction of word and deed. "If I say I value something, how can I live in such a way?" This question would gnaw at them and often be the catalyst for change.

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I have always done this exercise in a group setting. I am not sure if it will translate in this setting. Let me know what you thing. How did you experience this exercise?



Until the next time

John Strain

Different Worlds

I had what could be considered a pretty typical midwestern upbringing. My parents believed in honesty, friendship, family, and hard work. They believed in a lot of other things too, but that description should give you a general idea about me.



Brent keeps up with police officers who die in the line of duty. The most recent officer senselessly killed was Vicki Wax, a 27 year veteran of the Baton Rouge Police Department. She was killed trying to arrest someone suspected of shoplifting at a Wal Mart. The shoplifter held beliefs from a different world.



Half way around the world. People are raised quite a bit differently than I was. They learn a different history and religion. War is a constant for them. I am not familiar with their ways nor are they familiar with mine.



Use your imagination and contemplate all of the differences existing in this one world. We end up with many worlds in actuality. I am referring to different worlds with respect to values, purpose, goals, dreams, and passion.



A long time ago, the world was much bigger. People could live far enough apart or otherwise insulate from people not like minded. Nowadays, the world is much smaller and getting even smaller. Travel and communication have reduced the world to a room full of people.



Today if someone from a different world does something you do not like, you know it immediately. A response can be immediate as well and the whole world watches. In the old days, news did not travel as quickly. By the time information trickled out to the ends of the world and a response trickled back, there was ample time for thought and reason to form a response.



All of what I said applies to individuals and countries. Different worlds and different motivations for life is a two edged sword. On the one hand, it gives us diversity, on the other hand it gives us unreconcilable differences.



Still, with all of the differences, there are many things we all have in common. This fact only gives us the possibility to get along. For instance, as I understand Al Qaeda, the only way we can avoid their sword is to become them and take up their cause. Things get dicey when a group feels they speak for God.

The confrontation that we are calling for with the apostate regimes does not know Socratic debates...,Platonic ideals..., nor Aristotelian diplomacy. But it knows the dialogue of bullets, the ideals of assassination, bombing, and destruction, and the diplomacy of the cannon and machine-gun. From the Al Qaeda Training Manuel

My world view is still changing. The things I learned as a child worked in a classroom full of like minded children, but in the larger world they are insufficient. If someone mugs me, he is breaking the rule of sharing. If someone beats me, he is not keeping his hands to himself. If someone takes advantage of me in a business deal, he is not being nice. If someone kills me in the name of God, I do not comprehend.



Because I feel I have a right to exist and because I have a belief in freedom of thought, religion, movement, to name but a few freedoms, I may have to set down some boundaries. If people intrude on my boundaries, I may have to defend them. Someday, I may have to choose between letting someone trample one of my freedoms or to defend said freedom. Countries do this too.



It gets complicated when countries of different values vie to have their values satisfied. There are often conflicts, hard feelings, and resentments.



It is easy to let this become overwhelming, but when you consider all you can really control is yourself, it gets easier. Live true to yourself, knowing that you cannot have it all. You can probably make more money in business if you cheat. Therefore, having a value of honesty may effect your profit margin. You may believe in personal freedom, but that may mean your children choose a path of which you do not approve. You really cannot have it all.

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Values Exercise: (If you know me, I often joke around or do things like this to set you up for a laugh. This is not a joke, honest injun, so if you choose to do it, you have nothing to fear.)



To help you better understand your own values do this. Make a list of the 10 things you love the most. List the 10 most important things in your life. The list may include people, things, beliefs, anything.



Tomorrow, I will complete the exercise. it is important to give your list some thought. One way to do it is to think the 10 things are all you can have, but this is not Survival, so don't list food and water. We will assume the physical needs will be covered.



Until the next time

John Strain

Happy Sunday

OK, running done, check. Mowed the lawn and all the other yard work, check. Move to the inside and piddle around the rest of the day, check. Grill hamburgers later, have a few drinks and watch the Sopranos. That should finish off my Sunday, then it is back to work.



Here's to hoping you enjoy your day.



Until the next time,

John Strain

Service Dogs

It is funny to me how a post materializes. While checking my email, I read my biweekly newsletter from Other World Computing. Before they get to their specials and new product reviews, there is usually a paragraph about the weather or something completely unrelated to computing. This issue mentioned an organization OWC was supporting, "Working Class Dogs, inc." In addition, they were having a puppy naming contest. I bit on that one because I like puppies and I like to name things. Although giving a name to my son and my sex organ are probably the only things I have ever really named. Anyway, I submitted my name for the puppy and said awwwhh at the cute little guy. Then I thought I would go to the "Working Class Dogs Inc." website, but could not find one. Shoot. I was now interested in service dogs in general, I searched a few sites. Then I remembered the only person I ever knew who had a service dog. It was in college. Back then they were called guide dogs.



Radar was his name, not the dog, the blind guy. The dogs name was Jester. They strolled up and down the sidewalks and everyone loved to pet Jester and say a few words to Radar. I never had a class with him myself, but there was a whole canon of stories about Radar and Jester. Jester had Radar's social security number tattooed on his belly. I doubt if they do that today.



I want to share one other thing I found in my search. It will make you aware of a whole segment of society. A segment we do not usually see or of which we seldom take notice. They are set off to the side, hidden, too shy or unable to come out. Many times when they do come out they have to endure ridicule or face, what are to them, grueling and frightening tasks.



Here is one such individual:





Making Dreams Come True

"Let me tell you about a child that in Pre-K was not interacting with his peers because he could not keep up, because he did not always know the right things to do or say to get other children to take notice.  By the time this child started Kindergarten he learned that he would be left behind, that other children would start to treat him differently and even tease him, and that it was easier to play by himself. 



Now let me tell you about the child that is now risking interaction with others, that now has something in common with them, and even is seen as special in the very eyes of those that had deemed him different. 

 

Of course this child is Hunter.  And the change is Kicker.  Even when Kicker is not with him...he is.  This is my hope for every child and team placed by 4 Paws...that the world grant them a chance to be seen for who they are, not for what they can't do, and that a bridge of acceptance is built between able and "dis"abled. "

 

Michelle, Parent of a child with a 4 Paws Service Dog

Service dogs are used to help people with:

• Spinal cord/head trauma (injury, stroke).



• Visual or hearing deficits.



• Arthritis.



• Ataxia/poor balance.



• Multiple sclerosis.



• Cerebral palsy.



• Muscular dystrophy.



• Spina bifida.



• Seizure disorders.



• Cardio/pulmonary disease.



• Arteriovascular disease (primary or secondary to diabetes, etc.).



• Psychiatric disabilities.

Dogs are quite remarkable when you think about it. Of course they make great pets and friends, but they work. Thus the phrase, "work like a dog." This does not apply to my dog Hobo. All he does is sleep and eat. Dogs are quite useful in law enforcement and rescue situations. They don't complain and they work for praise and a few dog biscuits.



Dogs can make us laugh:



What did the indian say when his dog fell off the cliff?

Dog gone.



Two drunks are watching a dog lick its balls.

One drunk says to the other, "I wish I could do that."

The other drunk says, "Aren't you afraid he'd bite ya?



A three legged dog goes walking into a western saloon

He says in a loud voice, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."



One of my favorite cartoon bits is when a guy had a talking dog. So the talking dog and his master go to a talent agency. They stand in front of a desk and the master explains how he has a talking dog. The dog is sitting there very dog like. The master turns to the dog and asks a series of questions. "OK rover, what's on top of a house?" "Roof," comes the reply but sounding very barklike. The next question comes, "How does sandpaper feel?" "Ruff," says Rover again very barklike. The last question is posed, "Who is the best baseball player ever?" "Ruth," comes the response, very barklike as were the previous two answers. The two were promptly thrown out on the street. As they sat there, the dog turns to his master and with a shrug says in a very Brooklyn accent, "I should have said Dimaggio?"



Service Dog Links:

Delta Society: The Human - Animal Health Connection

National Service Dogs Training Center Inc.

4 Paws For Ability







I don't have a name. Click my picture to give me one:







Until the next time

John Strain

Coach

I took the plunge and retained the services of an online coach. My goal is to qualify for the Boston Marathon. That means I have to run a marathon (26.2 miles) in less than 3 hours and 30 minutes. I have done such a thing so it is within my grasp. Training is more than just work it is working smart. I get confused with all of the theories about training. Since my marathon in March, I have been running pretty well, but the last three weeks, I have floundered. The snooze alarm and computer have enticed me and I have given way to sloth, one of the seven deadly sins.



Over at training2run.com, I became familiar with Dr. Mad Dog Mike Schreiber. The name appealed to me first off. I mean, when selecting a coach, I would rather have one with a name like Dr. Mad Dog than I would Poindexter. Dr. Mad Dog sounds tough and smart all at the same time. I have emailed the Mad Dog and he has responded with good information. I considered doing the coach thing, but put it off until my motivation started heading south. I reasoned a coach would provide the accountability I lacked. So I did it, I paid the $100 for 12 weeks of coaching. I am already glad I made the decision. We have emailed each other a few times and I have been given my running orders for the next week.



I am going to be in better shape, lose weight, and eventually qualify for the Boston Marathon. Then I am going to run the Boston Marathon. Of course, all of this is contingent on the good Lord being willing and the creek not rising.



I have made fun of people in the past who have had personal trainers. My opinion was folks should do it for themselves, but I have changed my position. In my case, I can see a number of benefits to having a coach. The support is important and my motivation has received a jolt to boot.



It feels good to set a goal like this. When I accomplish my ultimate goal is a long way off. I hope to compete in the 2006 Boston Marathon. It will be here before I know it though so I have to get started now.



If you will excuse me, I've got to run.



Until the next time

John Strain