Winds of change

When Barbara and I drove to Pensacola for the marathon, we veered off of I-10 at Gulfport, Mississippi to drive along HWY 98 and survey the damage on the Gulf Coast.

The stretch between Gulfport and Biloxi was very beautiful. The gulf waters washed over white sands. Across the highway from the beach were many old southern homes amongst the live oak trees. It was lush and green.

That description is quite a contrast from how it looks today. The storm surge virtually wiped out everything from the gulf to highway 98. On the other side of the highway, the damage is also severe.

What homes and buildings that were not completely washed away were badly damaged. The ground floors were blown through by the surging water. Many trees are down and the remaining trees are stripped bare. They look like dead sticks stuck in sand.

There is very little green. The landscape is brown and barren. You have no doubt seen photos and videos and read descriptions. Still, even six months after the hurricane, words cannot convey the feeling that one gets when you see the devastation first hand.

Barbara and her family have vacationed on the Gulf Coast for years. She says the coast now looks like the way she remembers it in the old days - undeveloped.

I have been going there since the mid 1980's. One of the places we always frequented was Fun Time USA. This is a little amusement park near Biloxi. One of the traditions we observed was to have our photo taken on the wall with Humpty Dumpty.

John poses with Humpty Dumpty (age 5, 1990)

2006, Barb at the wall - Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

As you can see, Katrina destroyed Humpty and the entire Fun Time USA park.

Where bumper boats once sailed

Change is the only thing we can count on. It is sad to see landmarks that held such happy memories destroyed.

Did you notice, the crane in the background behind Barbara? An army of folks are picking up the pieces and rebuilding. We ain't taking it laying down.

Sadness? Yes it is all around. There are many opportunities to feel bad and good reasons to do so. But when those feelings subside, I see the cranes in the background - symbols of man's endurance and tenacity.

That is what we must do; all of us; whether you were in a hurricane or not. I am talking about getting knocked down. When you get knocked down, you are faced with two choices. You can either stay down or get back up.

Here's to those who got knocked down by Katrina and are trying to get back up. Here's to those who have helped all of us get off the deck. It is a long process, but it is proceeding.

Until the next time
John Strain

I’m everything and I’m nothing: Thoughts on the concept of the self

Integration and balance are words that do not describe much these days. Partisan, polarized, and extremist are more accurate. When I think of metaphors for describing one’s concept of self, the scales of justice come to mind.

Balance is achieved by having equal amounts of weight on each side of the scales. Keep in mind a pound of feathers and a pound of lead are equal in weight, but not in mass and appearance. Equality is not sameness, yet a balance can be achieved.

When I think about myself, I think in terms of “I am nothing: and “I am everything.” The integration of these two phrases is important to develop a healthy sense of self.

I am nothing
These words are blasphemy to some self-esteemists out there, but hear me out. To have a healthy sense of self one needs humility. A lack of humility is illustrated in the “spoiled brat” or the “arrogant SOB” who act as if they are the only ones who matter.

These folks want special treatment and they expect rules should bend to them instead of the other way around.

In Alcoholics Anonymous a famous slogan is, “I used to bemoan the fact I had no shoes; and then I saw a man who had no feet.” The man with no shoes was not bad. Nor was he bad for wanting shoes. However, when he saw the man with no feet, he felt gratitude for his shoeless feet. The only thing that changed for him was his perspective.

Things may not be perfect, they may even be bad, but they can always be worse. The world is full of people, more than 6 billion. I am but one. Do I deserve more than an orphan in India? Do I deserve less than Donald Trump?

In seminary, I learned the concept of God’s holiness. His perfection separates man from Him, but his love brings man close to Him. Next to God we are nothing, but because of His love for us, we are something.

Humility is being aware that you are nothing. Gratitude grows from humility. I have a relatively happy life. I have a house, car, family, friends, and good health. I have worked for these things, but my work and efforts do not constitute a guarantee. There is no universal law that says hard workers will always be happy.

Some have lived better lives and have worked harder, yet their lives have been one tragedy after another. On the other hand, some haven’t done anything at all to earn a happy life. They haven’t worked or sacrificed, yet they seem to have so much.

Humility is another way of saying, “But for the grace of God go I.”

To say, “I am nothing,” is not necessarily a statement of low self-esteem. It is, in many ways, an accurate fact.

I as an individual am insignificant in relation to time. In a hundred years or less, my life and memory will be swept away.

I as an individual am insignificant in terms of importance. If I were kidnapped by terrorists, the government would not negotiate with them to save my life.

The better we understand how insignificant we are and how close to nothing we are, the more grateful we become. Our awareness of insignificance should trigger great joy. We are alive now. We get to see the sunrise and the sunset of another day. All that you cherish is here for you to enjoy; today. There is no promise of how long this time will be. It is measured out differently to everyone.

When I say, “I am nothing,” I am summoning gratitude by realizing my gifts and the things for which I have to be thankful. It leaves me feeling humble. Humility puts me in the proper frame of mind to be a good citizen, a good neighbor, and ultimately a good man. I am more willing to help, to be tolerant, and to reach out when I am humble, than when I am feeling sorry for myself and slighted or when I am feeling smug and arrogant.

I am everything
The other tenet one needs for a healthy self-concept is to believe they are everything.

This concept has been distorted as well. Some Christian groups use faulty logic to justify gluttony and greed. Their argument goes something like this:

I am God’s child. God is the creator of the universe; He is a king. Therefore, I am a child of the king. A king’s child does not wear ragged clothes or drive a dumpy car. A child of the king has the best of the best. I deserve to have good things because I am a king’s kid.

Let’s examine what I believe is a healthier way of understanding this concept.

Have you ever looked at someone and admired their beauty, sense of humor, athletic skill, ability to speak, or cooking talent? It is natural to look at others and admire them for something they are or for something they can do.

Have you ever looked at a child and felt love for them just because they exist? This too is a natural feeling.

Can you look at yourself the same way? Can you recognize and admire your own talents? Can you love yourself just because you exist? Sadly, this seems more difficult. We are often taught such thoughts are selfish or vain.

Instead of loving themselves, people wait for someone else to do it. The trouble is, parents, teachers, spouses, and friends may never do it. They may never recognize your uniqueness or your talents. They may not sense how important something is to you and offer you encouragement and support.

This only comes from within. We must nurture ourselves. Along the way, some will notice and offer kind words. Others will admire what you do, but admiration from without is only icing on the cake of your already held opinion about yourself.

The poet said: “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” If you wait for another to guess what you want in life or to figure out just what to say to you to fulfill your dreams, you will most likely have a long wait.

When we only dream things that others will approve we give away something more precious than gold. Many of the things we desire come as byproducts. Love, admiration, and respect are granted to those who follow their own heart and travel their own path.

You are important and deserving of anything anyone else is. Yes you are insignificant by number and importance, but so is everyone else. Believe in yourself. Take your shot. Give it your best. Dare to grasp what your mind can conceive.

To see your self as nothing is actually viewing yourself in an objective perspective. This view of self should foster humility and gratitude resulting in tolerance, open mindedness, and service to others.

To see your self as everything is another perspective in which you admire your uniqueness. You seek to advance your own dreams, wishes, and desires with your God given gifts and hard work, but not at the expense of others.

The integration and balance of these concepts result in a love for self and others.

As Dennis Miller says, “This is just my opinion, I may be wrong.”

Until the next time
John Strain

Pensacola Marathon 2006

Bear was sad because he couldn't go

Click the photo to go to the Pensacola News Journal coverage

The Pensacola Marathon 2006 / my 23rd wedding anniversary was nice.

The start of the race was at 6:30 am. The temperature was 40 degrees and the north wind was whipping around 15 mph. It worked out well for me, because Barb drove me to the starting line about 3 minutes before the gun. She went back to the hotel to wait for me to finish. Often times, she will take a long walk as I am running, but not in this weather.

I was not expecting hills, but the course was pretty hilly. Even though I train on the flat, I do exercises to help the "hills muscles." I do like some hills, because they break up the monotony of the course and spread the work among the muscles.

The wheelchair participants had some trouble with the hills. Some wheelchairs are powered by the driver turning the large wheels by hand. Other chairs have a crank in front of the driver. It is a bicycle pedal for the hands. The long ups really took their toll on the 5 or 6 guys in the event. However, on the downhill, it was like NASCAR.

The first part of the race ran along Pensacola Bay. I kept looking to my right to take it in. It was cloudy and the water was gray and churning. I remember one scene. The foreground was a dark sky, but in the background, where the clouds were thinner, the morning sun was poking through. The rays shone through and made the water in the distance a bright white. That light reflected up to illuminate the clouds. It was upside down, because the affect was that the light was coming from the ground. Very pretty.

One incident occurred about a mile into the race. As I was running along, I noticed a banana peel in the road. I thought to myself, what kind of moron is already eating bananas and then I heard a skidding noise followed by a thump and some expletives. A runner behind me must not have seen the peel and it brought him down.

Another unique feature of the course were US Marines standing at every cross street. They kept traffic from interfering with the race. Many of them would offer encouragement as runners passed them. Some were enthusiastic. "Come on, don't stop, I don't even see any pain yet." Some offered applause, but most were the stereotypic stoic marine. Some remained silent, some would offer support, "Good job sir," or "Outstanding sir." Whatever they said, they affixed sir to the end of the phrase. I liked it.

I ran the whole way again and felt pretty good with the exception of my right foot. I have been battling plantar fasciitis - a real pain in the heel.

Just before I finished, the sun poked through and it warmed up a bit. I had to cross a big bridge twice in the last 6 miles, which is a good challenge for tired legs, but the last two miles were flat as a pancake.

I crossed the line at 3:35:15 (8:12 pace).

I placed 39th out of 258 and 8th in my age group.

Now it is time to get in shape for the Boston Marathon April 17th.

Until the next time
John Strain

Marathon Weekend

This is what the sunrise was like at last year's Pensacola Marathon. Sometimes the beauty of nature is so striking, that I have run 10 or 15 miles before I realize I am doing anything.

Pensacola is a place of such distractions. The course will offer bay vistas throughout the 26.2 miles. I am looking forward to it.

Barbara and I will leave on Saturday AM and drive the 3.5 hours to Pensacola. Once there, we will hit the race expo, get my race packet, check into the hotel, and sightsee. Sunday, the race begins at 6:30 AM. I should be finished around 10:00 AM. Then it is back to the hotel, pack up, and leave.

It is an ambitious itinerary, but it should be fun. Sunday is our 23rd wedding anniversary. Let's see; on one hand we have 23 years of marriage and on the other hand, we have a marathon. Choose your metaphor.

The Pensacola marathon will be my last race before the Boston Marathon April 17. I have had a pretty good season so far.

October 22 50K
December 5 Marathon
January 14 Marathon
February 5 Marathon
February 19 Marathon

The last three are in a 5-week period. I really love running marathons and I am grateful I am holding up physically. Knock on wood.

I hope you have fun plans for your weekend.

Until the next time
John Strain

Unexpected connections

Driving Blind: Stories of one guy doing something dangerous just to avoid embarrassment

In September of 2003 I wrote a post I entitled, Driving Blind. In it, I discussed a couple of times I drove cars and even a fishing boat in the Gulf of Mexico. That may not sound like much, but since I am legally blind and can't get a drivers license, it adds a little excitement to the scenario.

One of the sections I called "Rain Boy." It was about working at Red Lobster in Kansas City and pulling rain duty. Rain duty was embarrassing because I had to wear a big yellow rain suit and hold the umbrella for guests entering and exiting the restaurant. You’ll have to read the rest to see how I turned a simple thing into a dangerous thing.

Anyway.

Yesterday, I got an email from the daughter of the restaurant manager I mentioned in the post. She told me how much she had laughed reading the story and how nice it was to have a fond remembrance of her father. He died a few years ago.

You just never know. I am constantly amazed by the connections blogging and the Internet make possible.

Until the next time
John Strain