My Addiction

I have a confession to make and it is somewhat embarrassing. I like to think of myself as a strong person, but I must face the fact I am weak; and that is difficult for me to admit. Instead of being together, in control, and in command; I am disconnected, out of control, and more a slave than a master regarding self control. I am talking about an addiction. There I said it. Now it is out in the open after being hidden for 15 years.



It all started innocently. A coworker gave me one and I liked the way it made me feel. I did not buy them at first, instead, so called friends kept me supplied with the little white things that made me feel so good. It was not long before I was buying them. They were a little expensive, but nothing else worked for me like them.



I went from having a stash at work to having a stash in the car, my briefcase, and in my home. I had to have them available all the time, even in church. I had lost control and become slave to a white disk. Running out was the worst part. My focus became acquiring that which gave me such pleasure. I would rummage through drawers licking powder from metal tins – it was all so pathetic. I am of course speaking of my addiction to Altoids.



Maybe by sharing my story others can also be helped. I am struggling with this addiction today, excuse me while I reach for another. . . . . ahhhhhhhhh. I love to feel the cool air come into my mouth right after doing an Altoid. But I digress.



I remember one night in particular. I had just eaten a hamburger with garlic and onions. I needed a triple Altoid in the worst way. I walked to the drawer to get one. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach when I picked up the can and felt its emptiness. The only thing in there was a piece of paper and crumbs. I turned it up and poured the powder in my mouth, with little satisfaction. It was pathetic as I licked the powder from the inside of the tin. Panicked, I began opening drawers feverishly, rummaging through my briefcase, and checking the glove compartment in the car. Even the one I had taped behind the toilet tank was empty. I begged Barbara to drive me to the all night Walgreens downtown. She was as sick as I was in a codependent sort of way and agreed to take me. Once in the Walgreens my heart sank even deeper when I realized they were out of Altoids. Damn, all they had was Tic Tacs and Certs. Those impostors would not do – it had to be an Altoid. That was it for me, the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom. I knew then I needed help. Barbara drove me to an Altoids Anonymous meeting (AA) and I admitted I was powerless over Altoids and that my life had become unmanageable.



I have not stopped totally, but I do not have that big Altoid monkey on my back like I did in those days. No more white fingers. I used to tell people I had been eating powdered donuts because I was too ashamed to tell them the real reason. I do not sneeze nearly as much. No more telling people I am coming down with a cold to cover up the Altoid fumes irritating the nose.





Here is a picture of my pusher in the old days. He has since stopped pushing Altoids and is himself an Altoid abuse counselor. Things are looking up for me and I have been Altoid free for about five minutes now. . . . wait a minute. . . . well, I have to start over again, but I am handling it.







Altoids Web Site











Until the next time

John Strain

Another Test, Really

John's Results

you are aquamarine #7FFFD4

Your dominant hues are cyan and green. Although you definately strive to be logical you care about people and know there's a time and place for thinking emotionally. Your head rules most things but your heart rules others, and getting them to meet in the middle takes a lot of your energy some days. Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Barbara's Results

you are paleturquoise #AFEEEE

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is low - You stay out of stressful situations and advise others to do the same. You may not be the go-to person when something really needs done, but you know never to blow things out of proportion. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Are You Cool?

This just in from my ol' buddy Claude. The "Are You Cool" test. I have taken a lot of these online tests, but this is the first one that captured my essence. I was amazed at how precisely and accurately this test described me. None of my friends or family, not even my mother has ever been as accurate as this test was in pegging me. I wanted to post the link so you could take the test and see if it is as accurate with you as it was with me. You can take the test by following this link. Let me know how you did.

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Occasional Tables: What are they when they are not tables?

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Until the next time

John Strain

Driving In The Snow

I do not drive due to being legally blind, but I grew up in Kansas City. Therefore, I am an expert at driving in the snow. Barbara was raised in Vicksburg and had virtually no snow driving experience. Shortly after we were married in 1983 we moved to Rock Island, Illinois, where I worked as a minister. I know, I know, I don't strike you as a minister. That is why I am no longer a minister, but that story will have to be another blog. Just suspend your belief for now and try to pay attention to the topic at hand. It took some convincing to get Barbara to leave the south and move to frigid Illinois, but it was early in our marriage and she was a good sport. Today she would probably tell me to take a flying leap. I tried to brainwash her by telling her things like "it's cold, but it's a dry cold" and "you'll get used to it easy" and "winter cold is overrated." It might have worked, but the winter of 1983-84 was the coldest in fifty years. The month of January, the mercury did not climb above zero. She began to question me as a source for reality. I kept telling her, "this is really unusual" and "I bet it is just as cold back in New Orleans" and "this is really unusual." I know, I used that one twice, but I ran out of explanations.



As many of you probably remember, the car you have when first married often lacks something to be desired; ours was no exception. We had an old Ford Mustang. The paint had oxidized and the right front fender was smashed from a yellow parking lot pole. Barbara maintained the pole hit the car not the other way around. It was a perfect pole imprint in the fender. We never got it fixed, because the money was always needed somewhere else.



The car had more than cosmetic problems. The neutral safety switch was also bad. What that meant, was the car would often not start unless the gear shift was jiggled and jiggled until contact was made. If jiggling the gear shift did not work, I had to get out, open the hood, and short across the solenoid with a pair of pliers to turn the car over. If that technical description did not paint a clear picture for you, let me try another way. We could be at a red light and the car might die. Turning the key would return nothing. Jiggling the gear shift might allow the car to start. If that did not work, my only recourse was to have Barb pop the hood, I grabbed a pair of pliers from under my seat, opened the hood and let it rest on my back (too much of a hurry to prop it up with the support), locate the solenoid on my side of the car and hold the pliers across the negative and positive poles enabling the car to start. Once running, I slammed the hood and jumped back in the car. I had to perform this operation once in the middle of a busy intersection. What a car.



Now for the story. One snowy Sunday night after church we were driving home in the Mustang and it was having traction problems due to the light rear end. On the way home we had to pass through Black Hawk State Park and a fairly steep hill. it was like being in a Christmas card. The big snowflakes were floating to the ground falling silently. The snow stuck to everything making it look white and clean. We were making the first tire tracks as we entered the park and started up the long, gradual hill. Part way up the hill, the Mustang started spinning. Lucky for Barbara I knew how to drive in the snow. I told her to stop and let me out. "OK, I am going to push. Once I get you moving, just keep going or the car will slip again - don't stop." Now around the back of the car, I had poor traction myself in my leather dress shoes. I yelled at Barbara to give it some gas and at the same time I pushed and just like I told her, the car began to move. I pushed all the way to the top of the hill. I was a bit winded and ready to ride for awhile, only one problem, Barbara kept going. I remember standing there in the falling snow. The quiet beauty of winter, but I was not dressed for it and I was in no mood for a long walk home. I was watching the tail lights getting narrower as the Mustang kept going when something inside me said, "you better run like hell." So I did. I ran as fast as I could to catch the car. Snow covered the windows, so Barbara had no idea she was leaving me. I was gaining on it when she rolled down her window and yelled for me to get in the car. She thought I was horsing around and she was not amused. I was not amused either. I yelled back at her to slow down so I could get in, but she just kept driving (like I told her to do). Finally I got to the front door and opened it with the car still moving. She is still yelling. I am trying to get in hopping on my right foot while trying to get my left foot in the car. "WHY DON'T YOU GET IN THE CAR?" she yelled. "I am trying to if you would stop the $#@%&*! thing." Yes, sadly, a minister was cursing only moments after church. "STOP YELLING AT ME!" she screamed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP WHEN YOU GOT TO THE TOP OF THE *^%#@#! HILL?" I yelled. "YOU TOLD ME NOT TO STOP!" she screamed. I said nothing and we drove the rest of the way in silence. When we got to our apartment, I got out and opened the garage door. Barb pulled the car in and we walked up the two flights of wooden stairs and entered our apartment. Once inside, I turned on the light and we caught each other's eye. Then we burst into laughter. The whole thing was so stupid and hysterical, we only needed a few moments separation to realize it.



We broke the whole thing down. She took me literally and I thought it was obvious she could stop once we crested the hill and started down. We laugh about this to this day and our friends request the story every time winter weather threatens. This winter will mark the 20th anniversary of that fiasco, but it is as fresh in my mind as anything.



We do not have to worry about winter driving very often here in Louisiana, maybe it is for the best.



Until the next time

John Strain

Levee Bonfires: A Christmas Tradition

For 150 years bonfires have been lit on the Mississippi River levee from New Orleans to Gramercy. Some say this practice was a means of lighting the way for people going to midnight mass, while others say it is to light the way for Papa Noel (Santa Claus). James Rice wrote The Cajun Night Before Christmas which explains how Santa Claus comes to the bayou on a skiff piled high with toys and pulled by eight friendly flying alligators. You may notice in the Christmas card in my sidebar Papa Noel and his pirogue being pulled by the alligators. There are a few versions of this story. This one is the real deal, but this one is good too. If you would like to hear a sample of the Cajun dialect, then go here.



If you would like to see photos of the bonfires, check this out. The pictures were taken on a motorcycle ride. Be sure you check out the night photos. They got some great shots and you can see how elaborate the fires can become. It seems a shame to burn some of the structures built only to be set ablaze. I have not witnessed this yet, but I am told it is quite a spectacle. One last link you may want to check describes the bonfires and also has an mp3 of the article if you do not feel like reading it.



The telling of the "Cajun Night Before Christmas" and the bonfires are two Christmas traditions here in Louisiana. In Kansas City, the lighting of the Country Club Plaza was a big tradition. In the southwest luminaries are part of the Christmas season. In a changing world like ours traditions comfort me. As Americans, our country is young by European standards. Our oldest structures are 200 years old. Traditions can become cold and dry, but if we think about them and strive to relive their rich meaning, they can be a source of feeling connected to the past.



What are some of your traditions for the holiday season?



PS: I found this link and it is full of traditional Christmas poems and stories. The Gift of the Magi, Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus, The Legend of the Candy Cane, and others. Enjoy.



Until the next time

John Strain