The Battle of the Sexes

Have you expended energy trying to understand the opposite sex? Do you think the opposite sex is crazy, too emotional, too logical, crude, hysterical, and a few other things? Do you believe you will one day understand the opposite sex? Have you given up? Since time began, men and women have scratched their collective heads in an attempt to make sense of each other. How much of men's behavior is cultural? Do hormones control the behavior and thinking of women? If anyone tells you they know the answer, they are probably full of BS.



One of my coworkers told me about a PBS program she heard recently, titled "Testosterone." It was on This American Life, which is a program hosted by Ira Glass. The show examined how testosterone influences behavior and thinking in men and women. On the surface, this may not sound very interesting, but I recommend you take an hour and listen to the program. The link is at the end of this post.



The show was made up of several interviews. The first conversation was of a man who, due to a medical condition, had been almost without testosterone for a four month period. He talked about how his personality, his interests, virtually everything that was "him" vanished. He had no interest or passion.



The next interview was of a woman-to-man transsexual. This person, who had been a feminist and a self professed dike with all the trimmings described attitude and thought changes after testosterone which even he could not believe. What was unique about him is he was once a she. He went from looking at a woman, for instance and thinking, "she is attractive, I would like to meet her, I wonder what book she is reading, I bet she is an interesting person . . ." to "I want to have sex with her." He said he become interested in science and even understood it better.



I was captivated by the program. It is certainly part of my field, but I think interesting for most people. It made me think. Whatever role testosterone, culture, or anything else has in the development of sex roles is not as important as it is to understand:

Number One: Men and Women are different

Number Two: The two compliment each other

Number Three: Efforts should be made to understand and celebrate the differences in the sexes



I remember in the early 70's when "women's lib" was just getting started. Men were told they were jerks and slobs. The woman was held up as the ideal. Television sitcoms usually had the man as the idiot and the woman as the wise one. Do you remember "Maude" and "All In The Family?" Many men attempted to become what women told them they should become. It did not help. Women did not like that kind of man for a mate or a boyfriend. Deep down, they wanted John Wayne. (Give me some latitude here ladies, this is my experience and I know I am speaking in vast generalities. I know there are plenty of exceptions.) This trend continued. Men became more and more what women "said" they wanted men to be like. The result was men becoming big pussies. Do you remember the television show "Thirty-Something?" I still heave when I remember how the men on that show acted. They were more women than men.



A man can retain his manhood without being a clod or an oaf. A man can be sensitive and caring without being a pussy. I think what happened was men bought into the conventional wisdom that we were somehow flawed and should not be ourselves. Hopefully, that is a thing of the past.



At the same time, women were being told, in so many words, that staying home and raising a family was not as good as having a career. Many wound up doing both and the supermom was born. Women were being driven into the ground and into the therapist's office. They felt guilt no matter what they did. I believe things have snapped back some. Women can do either or both, it is up to them and what is best for their family.



Both of these phenomenons are results of not accepting the fact that men and women are different and different is OK. Some things men are just better at while women are better at others. What things are what? That depends on the couple.



So, listen to the program. I really enjoyed it and it was informative.



Now for some silly stuff about the Battle of the Sexes.

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A Man's Guide to What a Woman is Really Saying:

• Yes = No.

• No = Yes.

• I'm sorry = you'll be sorry.

• We need = I want.

• Do whatever you want to = You'll pay for this later.

• We need to talk = I need to complain.

• Sure - go ahead = I don't want you to.

• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you MORON!.

• You're so manly = you need to shave and you sweat a lot.

• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about ?

• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

• I want new curtains = and carpets, and furniture, and wallpaper ...

• Do you Love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

• How much do you love me = I did something today you're really not going to like.

• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

• The answer to the question " What's wrong?"

The same old thing = Nothing. Nothing = Everything.

Everything = My hormones are acting up.

• CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? = There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again.

• I JUST NEED SOME SPACE = Without you in it....

• DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? = We haven't had a fight in a while.

• NO, PIZZA'S FINE = You cheap slob!

• I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW = I just don't want you as a boyfriend now

• I DON'T KNOW; WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? = I can't believe you have nothing planned.

• COME HERE = Hee hee....my puppy does that too....

• I LIKE YOU, BUT... = I don't like you.

• YOU NEVER LISTEN = You never listen.

• WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY = I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

• I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE = I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

• OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF = I'm just being nice; there is no way I'm going Dutch.

• I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS = We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends

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A Woman's Guide to What a Man is Really Saying:

• I'M HUNGRY = I'm hungry.

• I'M SLEEPY = I'm sleepy.

• I'M TIRED = I'm tired.

• I'VE GOT TO PEE = Get out of the way.

• I'VE GOT TO GO = Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.

• CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• CAN I GET YOUR COAT? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• LET ME GET YOUR DOOR = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• YOU LOOK TENSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A MASSAGE = I want to fondle you.

• WHAT'S WRONG? = I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.

• WHAT'S WRONG? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

• WHAT'S WRONG? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

• I'M BORED = Do you want to have sex?

• I LOVE YOU = Let's have sex now!

• I LOVE YOU TOO = OK, I said it. We'd better have sex now!

• GOOD MORNING = That was great sex. Let's have more!

• SEE YOU LATER = That was great sex. Let's do it again sometime!

• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = I liked it better before.

• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = For $50 they should have GIVEN you hair!

• YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR = You cut your hair?

• LET'S TALK = I'm trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

• WILL YOU MARRY ME? = I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.

• WILL YOU MARRY ME? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

• WHILE SHOPPING:

• YES, THAT ONE'S NICE = Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway?

• THAT ONE LOOKS GREAT ON YOU = Pick any freaking' dress and let's go home!

• I LIKE THAT ONE BETTER = Pick any freaking' dress and let's go home!

• UH HUH = Pick any freaking' dress and let's go home!

• ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

• I DON'T THINK THAT BLOUSE AND THAT SKIRT GO WELL TOGETHER = I'm gay!

• IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT = I am incredibly stupid!

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This American Life Website



Listen to the program on Real Player



More Battle of the Sexes Humor

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Until the next time

John Strain

Pitch Men

I’m a nice guy. My parents taught me to be polite to people. Be example, I learned to be tolerant and courteous, even when other people were being rude or overstepping their bounds. When telemarketers first began calling years ago, I listened and only when I got an opportunity to talk, would I say, no thank you. Sometimes I had to wait a long time to tell them no.



I came to understand I was being too polite, even passive. I needed to adjust my behavior or else be manipulated frequently by people with bad manners. I have improved. I can tell people no. I have learned to interrupt them to say, “I am not interested,” and if someone is rude I care very little about their problem



Last weekend we went in to the lion’s den of sales pitches. I suppose a time share pitch is similar to the Amway presentation. The deal was, we would have a hotel room for two nights at ($89) and a $60.00 voucher for food at a local restaurant if we would attend a 90 minute presentation about the Fairfield Resorts product.



Honestly, I was interested in the presentation. I never heard the time share spiel before. I did not think I would buy anything, but I am not opposed to a good deal if it presents itself.



Our appointment was at 9:00 AM. We arrived at a busy presentation center. We checked in, then began to sample the donuts and coffee. So far, so good I thought to myself. At 9:20 AM a nice young man of about 25 appeared. He introduced himself, got our names, and introduced his side kick who was tagging along to see how the sales pitch is done. After the love exchange, we went to a conference room with a large table. Looking out the window, we could see the grounds of the San Destin Resort.



It all came down the way I expected. There were the usual questions. How many days a year would you say you stay in a hotel room? Where would you like to go on vacation? Would you be interested in saving lots of money? Blah, blah, blah.



They were selling what amounted to a membership in their vacation club. You purchase a package, which has points. You use the points to stay in condos all over the world. If they don’t have a condo in the area you want to stay, they help you find one with another company.



The kid was sincere and outlined the program pretty well. We toured one of the properties, then we went back to the conference room. The price was $28,000 then a $73 monthly maintenance fee and tack on about $100 for annual property tax.



From Fairfield’s point of view, this is a real estate purchase. The cost is less than you would spend over say 10 years if you vacation at your present rate. This is something you will have forever and you can hand it down to your children. It is ownership, not renting.



From my point of view, that is way too much money. It would not pay off for about 10 years, if ever. Who says this company will be around forever? You don’t really own it. The only ownership correlation is property tax.



We basically said, no thank you, it is too expensive. The kid tried his best to convince us we could not afford not to buy it, but to no avail. He graciously thanked us and said, “before you go, I have to let my manager come in to say hi.” We said, “OK go get him.” The manager was a guy in his late 50’s with an attitude. He wanted to argue about some of our points for not purchasing the plan. We stuck to our guns, he realized it and left. As he left, he made some snide remarks and grabbed the quote sheets to wad them up on his way out of the room. He was amusing really. The guy was as transparent as the picture window in the room.



Then the kid told us we had to see one more guy. Now we had already been there 2 hours and 20 minutes. It was noon and we were at our limit. Still, to get our goodies, we had to run the gauntlet of con men. The last guy was the good cop if the previous guy was the bad cop. We explained to this guy we would not purchase their wonderful plan because it was too expensive. “Would you buy it if it were half of that?” It seemed they had some repos. No, we said, we still don’t want it. Then he wanted to tell us about a plan for the summer. I said, thanks, but no thanks. We have been here nearly 2.5 hours which is an hour beyond the agreement. We have reached our saturation point and are not interested in hearing any more pitches. I also told him, that it would have been more effective with me to show all of your options complete with prices on one page. Just be more up front and get rid of all the cloak and dagger with the prices. This guy was even less interested in my advice than I was in his product. He gave us the bums rush and we headed to the prize lady to get our stuff.



We all went out to eat and did a post mortem on our morning. It was certainly an experience. The kid was pleasant enough, but the last two guys were dicks. They seemed to take it personally we did not purchase their proposal. Now I know and I will never sit through another one without some major enticement.



These schmucks acted as though I guy cannot buy cheap rooms on the internet.



It was easy finding the flaws in their scam. It was easy standing up to the pressure and condescension of the last two salesmen. I did not spend 28K to keep someone from looking down on me. This was a good test and the four of us passed with flying colors.



It would have been nice though.



Until the next time

John Strain

Life's a Beach, Then You Go Back To Work

14 BEACH PHOTOS









We are back. Now I have to work off all of the food and drink I over indulged in the last three days. To make matters worse, I did not run one step. So, even though I had a lot of fun, I am sitting here right now feeling like I just left Pinocchio's Island of Bad Boys.



I did buy a new pair of running shoes at the Reebok outlet. I bought two dress shirts and a tie at the Haggar outlet. I was so proud of my shirts. One was black, (I have lots of ties that will go with it), and the other was light purple. I wear a lot of purple, light purple, dark purple, you name it. Then Barbara noticed I picked up an 18 34-35 instead of what I really wear, 16 34-35. It is times like these I hate being a BMF. For those of you who are not familiar, BMF is short for Blind Mother F*&#^er. My friend Linda dubbed me with that moniker and it stuck.



So now I have a shirt that would fit a football player and the store I bought it at is 200 miles away. I knew there was a reason I let Barbara buy most of my stuff. I have taste and don't mind picking things out, but technical things like finding the right size sometimes ruin my shopping experiences.



For some reason, I can get the right ink cartridge at Office Depot or the right size screw at Home Depot, and I never walk out of the liquor store with the wrong whiskey, but let me attempt to buy some clothes and I fall flat on my face. Go figure.



At this moment, I am tired and want to go to bed. Tomorrow I will write about our experience with the sales pitch. It was interesting, but I did not buy anything. I think we made one, maybe two of their henchmen, I mean salesmen angry.



Have a nice Monday folks and be sure to check out the Photos.

John Strain

Land Shark

Important safety tip: When visiting Destin / Fort Walton Beach, Florida, watch out for the Land Sharks. This one almost had me, but I managed to escape. I think I had too much hot sauce in my veins for him.



We have had a good time and I will post about the sales pitch we endured. Time to pack up, hit the outlet malls and head back to Louisiana.



Have a nice Sunday,

John Strain

Destin, Florida

It was a rainy day, but we made it. By evening, the rain let up and we were treated to a lovely sunset over the Gulf. We are enjoying good rum, good food, and good times. The time share pitch is in the morning from 9:00 to 10:30 AM. After that we will do the usual tourist things, which are eat, drink, and rest.



I'll post more tomorrow. I hope you have a nice weekend where you are.



Until the next time

John Strain