Girlie Men

The latest name calling furor was set off by California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. He referred to legislators caving to the special interest groups as "girlie men." The anticipated cries and whines from some are already flying around. The offended are demanding he should apologize to women and gays.



A recent John Kerry fund raiser featured Whoopi Goldberg engaging in tasteless name calling aimed at President Bush. This behavior offended conservatives and calls were made for Goldberg to apologize and for Kerry to renounce her words.



I remember the advice my mother gave me when I came whining to her because someone called me a name. "Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never harm you," she said. I did not quite understand what that meant then. I was more disappointed she did not go down the street and set things to my version of "right." As time passed, other adults gave me the same advice. Eventually us kids gave the advice to each other. "Sticks and stones" was accepted wisdom and the way to deal with someone calling you names.



Not long ago, some people changed the phrase I learned in childhood. The new version is something like, "sticks and stones can break your bones, but words are much more horrible. Anyone who offends you should apologize immediately and be sued to teach them a lesson. You should never have to tolerate a contrary opinion or be called a name by anyone." I have had time to consider both versions of "sticks and stones" and I really think the version I learned as a child is the better of the two.



The original version of "sticks and stones" is empowering. I learned only the words "I believe" can harm me. If I chose not to accept them, then they do not harm me. The later version of "sticks and stones" empowers the name caller. The victim cannot rest until an apology is offered. This is a set up for an emotional upset if I ever saw one. If your happiness depends on the behavior of others, prepare to be unhappy a lot.



My mother also told me, if I acted like the names were bothering me, they would just keep calling me by them. The way to stop that behavior is not to reward them by getting upset. It worked too. Did any of you tell the teacher or have your mother come to the school to try to stop the name calling? Of course not. Even as children we knew the best way to extinguish the name calling was to turn a deaf ear to it.



Should people call names? No. Do people call names? Yes. Do you have the choice to be bothered by the names or ignore them? Yes.



The articles I browsed on this topic seem to fall into two camps. One body believes the old "sticks and stones" and the other believes words are quite harmful. They say they lead to hate crimes and violence. They suggest programs for teaching sensitivity and prattle on in a quite serious tone.



I tired long ago of all the offense people seem to take at the least little thing. Even if it were a bigger thing, so what? If we temper language to the point all expression must not offend anyone, our dialogue will be without passion and feeling. We should make less of an individual word and try to understand "what" the person is trying to say. Instead, many "lie in wait" to pounce on an out of context word. They miss the entire point altogether, and try to bully the speaker into taking back the offending word.



Arnold was talking about gutless legislators when he used the term "girlie men." He was not trying to offend women and gays. I hope he does not cave to any pressure and offer an apology. To do so would only reward the whiners. Oops, I called them whiners, I hope I did not offend them.



In a society with a right to free speech, it sure seems we have a lot of restrictions.



I am not advocating we call more names, but I do suggest we return to the wisdom of our childhood, "sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can never harm us - unless we let them."



Until the next time

John Strain

My First Blogiversary

I have no noble purpose in this or grandiose expectations. I simply feel compelled to write my thoughts. I do hope these posts cause you to think or laugh. (From Introducing Me, my first post July 19, 2003

It has been one year since I began this blog. Since then I have posted 397 times. I haven't missed very many days and writing has become a daily discipline. I had hoped it would be. The process has helped me write down my memories and thoughts of the past. I have commented on some current events and written some things totally silly.



Writers write. I have always loved these two words. It is like the answer the mountain climber gives when he is asked, "why do you climb the mountain?" "because it is there," he says. Writers simply write. Blogging has made it convenient for writers to write.



I also wanted to learn a bit about HTML and web design. That has happened on a small scale, but enough to satisfy me for now. What I did not expect was the relationships I would make. I entered a whole new culture complete with its own etiquette and rules. Commenting and blogrolling were nowhere in my vocabulary or consciousness one year ago.



I will always feel a debt of gratitude to Mollie. She was the first to email me, I didn't even have comments yet. She helped me get my blog fitted with the basic bells and whistles I wanted. She also provided a lot of encouragement.



Then out of the blue, Kim found my blog and I was treated to more encouragement. Kim and Darin both were frequent commenters and I looked forward to reading what they had to say.



Just look at my blogroll. They are all good folks and from all over the world. I now know people in Canada, Australia, Belgium, and Wales. I could not say that a year ago.



My sister followed my lead into blogging and eventually, my mother. We are all writers and the appeal of a blog was more than any of us could resist.



I look forward to reporting about the events of my life and posting photos. I enjoy the feedback of the comments. I think about those on my blogroll. Some are up and others are down. Life has a way of delivering both conditions to each of us over time. The blogroll is a community of supporters who laugh when we are laughing and cry when we are crying. All it really takes to get through tough times is knowing someone cares - the blogroll represents a number of sincere caring people.



Blogging continues to evolve. I have dabbled with the audio blog. It has its place, but the meat and potatoes will continue to be the written word. I think in the early days of computers, some feared a decline in writing and personal communication. In my case, a computer has kindled my desire to write and communicate. I guess sometimes we never know.



So today is a marker, hopefully one of many. Writers certainly write and bloggers blog.



Thanks to all of you who read my posts and leave your comments. I sincerely appreciate you and your opinions. Here's to another year of blogging.



Until the next time

John Strain

Human Achievement

I have been watching the Tour De France and marveling at the endurance and athletic ability of the riders. I have cycled myself, so I can appreciate what these guys are doing. They ride around 30 mph for more than 100 miles a day over a three week period. Some of their rides are over incredibly steep mountain roads. I have cycled, but they are so far beyond my ability, it isn't even funny.



Looking around the sports world, illustrations are everywhere in every sport. Those with inborn ability and who have worked their butts off have risen to the top of their sport. Our heroes are often sports figures. It is easy to make heroes of athletes because we can identify with the difficulty of the task at which they excel.



Human achievement goes far beyond sport. A consideration of art, architecture, science, and other fields reveals innovators, inventors, and heroes in other areas. We are all indebted to these men and women for making our lives more beautiful, safer, easier, and fulfilled.



Then there is the flip side to the coin. While humans can achieve beauty and invention, they can also cause grief and heart ache. History is riddled with names like Stalin, Hitler, Bin Laden, McVey, and Manson. Many chose the dark side and seek to visit their fellow humans with carnage and hate. They are predators without feeling seeking to destroy and to plunder.



Many have spent their lives trying to discover why. We have explanations, but no solutions. The world will always have the heroes and the villains. I suppose there is hero and villain in each of us. It reminds me of, the now politically incorrect illustration, about an American Indian telling of a battle which rages inside him. "A large black dog and a large white dog fight within me," he said. When he was asked "which one wins?" he responded, "the one I feed the most."



The Indian's words are perhaps the most simplistic and practical answer to the mystery of human behavior. We each choose our food. The things on which we dwell become part of us. If we drink in hate and dissension we will have one result. If we dwell on beauty, love, and that which is good in life, our result will be different still.



As it says in the Bible, "As a man thinks, so he is." Proverbs 23:7



Here are a few more quotes along these lines:



• “If you think you can do a thing, or think that you can not do a thing, you are right.” –Henry Ford



• “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” –Carl Jung



• “What proceeds from you will return to you.” –Confucius



• “They can because they think they can.” –Virgil



Just a little food for thought



Until the next time

John Strain

Weekend Replay: The Prostate Exam

My posts have been health care related the last few days. First Hobo, then me. I usually audio post the Weekend Replay, but my voice is messed up due to the cold and I have to stop to cough every minute or so, therefore, I am simply providing the link: The Prostate Exam.



I am going to the doctor on Monday for a physical and I am sure somewhere during that visit, he will say, "drop your pants and lean over on your elbows. . . ok . . .brace yourself." As bad as it will be, it won't match the first time.



Until the next time

John Strain

Sick Leave

This cold is kicking my butt. I woke up this morning with a pounding headache, the chills, and head/chest congestion from hell. I felt lower than a snake's basement. However, after an Alka Seltzer Plus, I am beginning to come around. I will probably go into work around noon.



That said, I want to say a couple of things about sick leave. I rarely use it, knock on wood. Some however, especially in health care see sick leave as extra vacation days. They have no problem calling in "sick" just because they want a day off. These folks often rationalize this behavior by saying the company does not pay them enough, or some other reason. I cannot understand how someone can call in sick and pile more work on their coworkers and not be ashamed.



Many people feel entitled, but sick leave is not vacation - it is to cut you a break if you get sick. The company trying to crack down on sick leave abuse penalizes the people who are honest. Requiring everyone to bring in a doctor's note is one often used measure, but an inconvenience for the honest people.



I always liked the "earned time off." ETO is time one accrues. It is used for vacation and sick days. It is amazing how much healthier people get when it costs them to be sick.



I know in my field though, it is an accepted thing. People will abuse their sick leave and nothing will be done about it.



Speaking of sick, Hobo is feeling better, but not until we had to take him back to the vet for more treatment. The diarrhea finally looks to be over.



Until the next time

John Strain