Mad as Hell

When I was 12 years old I worked on lawn mowers as a hobby. I liked to get some old mowers that would not crank and try to fix them. One day after school, I was in my front yard working on one such comatose mower when the wrench I was pushing slipped off of the nut and I barked my knuckles on the engine block. It hurt like hell and it rounded the nut. I was enraged and my knuckles were bleeding. I stood up quickly in the way only an angry, indignant person can. I did it so quickly, I forgot there was another lawn mower right behind me. The handle of the other mower hit me right behind my ear. I don't know if you have ever been hit right behind the ear or not, but it really hurts, even worse than bloody knuckles. Even then, I was not through. My anger meter was still climbing and through the fog of pain I saw a large cardboard trash barrel just inside the garage. Still reacting and not thinking, I swiftly walked over to the trash barrel and channeled all of my frustration into my right foot. I kicked the hell out of that trash barrel and nearly broke my foot. My knuckles were bleeding, my ear was ringing, and I was standing gingerly on my right foot. It was about that time a thought crept into my consciousness. It said, "you know, everything you do just makes it worse." I stopped my raging and felt a bit stupid, but I often think of that incident even today. It helps me control myself and how I express my feelings of anger.



When I am doing a group or teaching about anger, I tell folks anger is a fire. What we do in response will equate to either pouring water on the fire or gasoline. Anger can be extinguished or it can explode out of control.





Anger usually results from one of two conditions:

You get what you don't want

You don't get what you do want





I have mentioned Albert Ellis before and I will espouse his theories again as they relate to anger. Basically, Ellis says what we think determines what we feel and do. He describes it in his ABC Theory.



A EVENT: An event can be anything, but think of it as a stimulus. Let's say someone walks past you in the hall at work and does not return your greeting.



B BELIEFS: This part often happens immediately. We have beliefs which have been forged by our experiences and understanding of things at the moment. Automatic thoughts occur. "Joe must be mad at me, he did not say hi this morning."



C RESULT: both emotional and behavioral. If you believe Joe is angry with you, you may act funny around him. You may become angry with Joe for being mad at you.



The problem is, Joe may have been preoccupied and not even realize you said hi. There are many explanations why Joe may have passed in the hall without returning a greeting. Ellis has a person look at the B part and challenge these irrational or incorrect beliefs. They are what determine how we feel and what we do, not the A.



Here are a few points I'll make about managing anger:

(1) Anger is a non-evil human emotion. It is information telling us something is wrong and something needs attention.



(2) Anger is about you. You are mad because of what you are thinking. Even if you are justified, it is still a result of how you think. You make yourself angry. This explains why one thing may infuriate one person while someone else is unaffected.



(3) The best way to manage anger is to keep it from developing in the first place. If you had the awareness to know when you are a little angry, you could deal with it before it became a full blown anger outburst.



(4) The better you are at communication and listening, the better your tools for resolving anger. The source of the anger must be dealt with. If you know why you are angry, you can work toward resolution. What do you want? What do you want someone to do?



(5) If you are angry, slow down. Give yourself time to think and decide what course of action is best for the long run. It may feel good to scream at someone, but you will have more trouble later.



(6) Seek first to understand, then to be understood.



(7) Lighten up, laugh. Humor is one of the best weapons against anger.



Life is too short to be angry all the time. I used to teach a course for domestic abusers. It is amazing the little things people will become violent over. On the other end of the scale, people are quite capable of controlling themselves even when very angry. The trick is to be angry, but express it assertively. You do that by focusing on the behavior of a person and by not making it personal.



Wrong way: "You don't respect me."

Right way: "When you make comments about my weight around our friends, I feel disrespected. Please don't do that anymore."



Wrong way: "Are you stupid or something?"

Right way: "I am frustrated having to explain this to you again. You told me you understood."



Wrong way: "You are so irresponsible."

Right way: "It is your responsibility to pay your car insurance. Because you were late, there is a $20 late charge. I would appreciate it if you would take paying your bills more seriously."



Notice the wrong way usually begins with "you" and the right way begins with "I". In communication, let the other person speak for themselves and you speak for yourself. I know I hate it when someone tries to tell me what I am thinking or the "real" reason I did something.



Oh man, look at the time, I have to go to bed, damn it. I never get any time to do what I want. I work all the time and still don't have enough money. When I do get a day off, I have to work like a slave around the house just to keep up. Just kidding, I'm not really mad.



Here's to a happy Friday everyone and I hope you all have a nice weekend.



Until the next time

John Strain

Poof

Some of you may remember I had plans to build a home office. I wrote about it here. The dream is now reality. It took a while to order the cabinets, then to have the guy come install them. The counter top took another couple of weeks, but as I said, it is done. It looks great.



Have you guessed what the post title has to do with any of this? I shall continue. My intention was to take a few photos of the built in computer center and post them. Taking the photos went smoothly, but when I plugged the camera into my computer, iPhoto did not automatically open. I jimmied with the USB cables at which time I smelled electrical parts melting. Poof - my camera went up in smoke.



It is funny how things dawn on a person. Here I was going through familiar motions to add photos to my blog when something different emerged - a smell which if visible would sport dollar sign shaped clouds. The smell of fried electrical parts tells you (1) what you want to do is not going to happen right now AND (2) it's going to cost you. I believe my first response was to utter the word "shit." It is morbid, but funny how the last words transmitted by pilots just before an airliner crashes is often an expletive. The last words my camera heard were as well. I think I felt it shutter.



It served me well, so I called Canon to see about having it repaired. Usually, when you send them in, they restore them completely for a fraction of the cost of a new one. I have to say, the two guys I spoke to were very polite and helpful. None of this, "well what did you do moron" crap. They actually apologized the camera "bit the dust." I have had it almost three years and it has logged some serious service hours. I have no complaints. Tomorrow, someone is supposed to call me to tell me what to do next. "Mr. Strain, I am Joe Blow from Canon to tell you what to do next. Get your ass on eBay and buy yourself another camera, your bitch assed camera is fried." Hopefully not. I am sure they will lens me some support. If they don't, I will expose them for what they are or are not.



Stay tuned, I will let you know what develops. I won't be cameraless for long.



UPDATE: 8:00 AM

Mystery solved. I have a bad USB hub. Guess how I found out? I fried my scanner. Last night, I used the printer through the hub thinking that cleared the hub, but since it has its own power source, it is different from the camera and the scanner. I should name this post "Poof Pause Poof Again - Double Shit." Such is life. I think I will go for a PCI card this time instead of a USB hub. Now where are some boxes I can ship these things in?



Until the next time

John Strain

Keeping In Touch

One of the things I like about my work is becoming a part of someone's life. Like a pastor or a country doctor, I and my colleagues watch folks grow up. We become intimately familiar with their families. We know their history with all of the ups and downs. Some patients I dread to see readmitted, mostly because of their behavior when off of their meds or some other reason. Some, however, I am glad to see return. I am not glad they need to be hospitalized, but I am glad to see them again.



Many patients keep in touch after they are discharged. They call to say hi and to give us an update on how things are going for them. One guy has been calling me for some time. He had a hard life and has schizophrenia. He spends a lot of his time on the streets. He chooses this lifestyle. I, personally, have gotten him into various group homes and living arrangements. Sometimes he stays a few days, sometimes longer. Fred has an unmistakable voice and when my ears hear the first syllable, I know it is him. Recently Fred was in another hospital, but he called me regularly. Fred would usually call in the afternoon and ask me what I was doing and ask a few questions about the staff. From the hospital to a group home, Fred was set up. Today, however, I got a call from Fred who informed me he was in Mississippi. One night at the group home was his limit this time. Fred was paranoid too, because he would say, "I am going to hang up so you can't trace the call." Twenty minutes later, Fred would call and talk for 30 seconds. He was his old crazy self, out on the road.



I have come to accept Fred and his choices. I do not like it, but there is nothing I can do. Laws do not permit authorities to permanently place someone like Fred. He can be committed for 15 days and even 6 months, but even if he were committed for 6 months, a bed would most likely not exist in the state hospital. So Fred is on the road in Mississippi. I am afraid his long term prognosis is not that favorable. He runs the risk of being victimized by the predators who prowl the streets. Somehow, Fred has avoided such a fate, but no one's luck holds for ever.



I have my feelings of compassion and concern for Fred and others like him. I also feel helpless to do anything to help his situation in a long term sense. The feeling I always conclude with is gratitude and appreciation I do not have Fred's problem - neither myself or my family. I can appreciate a warm dry bed and steady provisions.



I suspect I will see Fred again. He will come in reeking of days without a shower and looking half starved. He won't complain. He will rest up, refuse all good recommendations, maybe accept one, but in a day or two repeat his behavior. Maybe it's the wander lust. I would like to think it was something romantic like that, but it is the result of a brain disease that robs an individual of a normal life. These people endure a silent hell the DSM-IV calls schizophrenia.



It looks like Fred's guardian angel will be working over time for the next few days.



Until the next time

John Strain

Hit Me

My site meter has been going through the roof - for me anyway. I was getting about 50 hits a day or so, but then I noticed it was up in the 100's. Today it is over 200. Is the secret out about "John's Online Journal"? Is my writing attracting more and more people? No. it seems my Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition article last February was discovered. The hits were for the photos. I expected this in February, but I received about the same traffic as any other post then. I can't quite explain what is going on, but the photo links are getting hit quite frequently these days.



My guess was the hits would die down after a few days, but they are increasing. Then I remembered a few posts others wrote about getting lots of hits and their web host wanted more money. My solution was to rename the folder with all of the photos thus breaking the links in the post. In a few weeks, I will repair it hoping the pervs have moved on to another source for whatever it is they do whilst looking at those photos, hehehe.



When I first installed my site meter, I checked it every five minutes to see if someone visited my site. I looked at the ISP to get a clue for what part of the world the visitor was from. As time passed, I gave less attention to the site meter hits and more to the comments. Now that I am getting a zillion hits, I am trying to lessen them. Ain't it funny what a year will do?



Exciting stuff huh? Well, it is Monday, I just paid bills, and it is bedtime. I am always in a bad mood after paying bills. My thin veneer of denial is pierced when I pay bills - I like denial better.



Until the next time

John Strain

Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong is the best at what he does. He has said, "The man who works the hardest deserves to win." In his case, this has worked out. He has accomplished something in cycling that has never been done. He won the Tour De France for the sixth time in a row. What makes this accomplishment even more amazing is Lance had cancer eight years ago and was given little chance to live much less continue cycling.



Paul Sherwen, one of the OLN TV commentators for the Tour De France coverage said he visited Lance in the hospital in 1996. Lance had no hair or eye brows. The doctors gave him three months to live. Yet in 1999, Lance won his first Tour De France and has won the race each year since.



Armstrong had testicular cancer and it had spread to his lungs and brain. He had the cancerous testicle removed, brain surgery, and underwent chemotherapy and radiation. He beat the odds. He got back on the bike and dedicated himself to excellence. They say that he generates 600 watts with each pedal stroke which is about four times better than most professional cyclists can muster. Lance is a true iron man.



The Tour De France is perhaps the most grueling sporting event in the world. Over a three week period, cyclists ride about 2,100 miles. They traverse mountains in the Pyrenees and the Alps. Each day, they are on the bike some four to five hours. At times, they average speeds up to 30 miles an hour. If you get a chance, get on a bike and try to get it to 20 mph and see how long you can hold it.



I have been addicted to the TDF coverage on OLN TV. I so admire those guys. I have cycled some myself and I can appreciate what they are doing. Lance has a foundation dedicated to cancer research. You may have seen one of his yellow wrist bands with the inscription "Live Strong." Since he has overcome cancer, "Live Strong" has become his mantra. Many in the TDF are wearing the wrist band and if you look for them, I bet you will see them more and more. I have my order in for ten of them myself. I am hoping it will motivate me when I am running. When I feel tired and want to slow down, the words "Live Strong" will spur me on.



History was made today. I cannot be happier for the man who made it. He has overcome cancer and has risen to the top of his sport. He has distinguished himself as the best ever. Not bad for a boy from Texas.



See Lance Ride

Lance Armstrong Foundation - Order "Live Strong" wrist bands



Here's to all who "Live Strong."



Until the next time

John Strain